Tres Birds

The List...

2012-01-23T10:52:00.004-07:00

It was a magical week around Roosevelt House.

LOVE this.

10. PANIC!!!!!! The rain turned to SNOW and we all need to find the tallest hill in our general vicinity, drive down it, crash in the ditch and just leave our car there until the snow melts.

I do love me a good western Washington snow storm..this witty post is being brought to you by..

SNOWMAGEDDON 2012

9. Back in the days of me reproducing at such a rapid rate I sure wish someone would have pulled me aside and said, "Amber, not only will your boobs sag for the rest of your life, but you will have to put snow clothes on and off of FOUR children everysingletime it snows."

Snow clothing for the 4 Strehle kiddos is like me taking on a second job..

This year was different though, I only had one little guy to help out and it made me a wee sad.

(the current state of my breasts makes me sad as well, but I buy undergarments to that fix that..growing kiddos? No fix for that) (How many other writers do you know that can tie breasts, snow pants and children all together?? It takes skills dear reader..skills I tell ya.)

8. I will not lie. I'm in LOVE with Pinterest. Who are these people that keep inventing social media must-haves that become complete and udder time suckers, that unknowingly forever change our lives??? I've long had a magazine fetish (I think most creatives do) and Pinterest is like your favorite magazine times 1000, straight to your computer..everysingleday.

7. I'm in LOVE with this image..

(via The Sartorialist)

Now..admittedly I could/would/should not (see#9) wear this while shooting.. BUT to me this just reenforces my belief that what we wear is such an extension of who we are. My BFF Scott Schuman interviewed her about this outfit..she expresses her belief about why she wears what she wears beautifully. Check it out here.

6. Why do us mothers have such a hard time with the notion we actually deserve to dress nice??Does it make you feel selfish and or shallow to think about clothing and MAC lipstick?? Our daily reality is more often the velour sweat-suit rather than the black skinny jeans..but looking nice is nothing to be ashamed about.. ever.

(stepping off soap-box now)

5. Republican primaries..UGH...just hurry and be over already.

4. When the snow started melting I could not help but think of spring..yes I know it's a long way off, but the melting snow has oh-so many metaphors.. I do love me some new beginnings.

3. Favorite iphone photo ever..

Lights up at the Mumford show..me singing along with a bazillion other peeps, sexiest jogger hubby nestled tightly behind me..moved me to tears I tell ya.

2. Have you ever noticed that most beautiful work/amazing art/life changing words almost always come from great pain? Our humanity can birth beautiful things, but it never really comes easily.

1. Some might call this narcissistic or as sexiest jogger in all the land husband said (insert sarcastic tone here), "Sure Amber, God made that huge snow storm that shut down the entire western side of our state and cost businesses thousands of dollars just for you." But that is what Snowmageddon felt like to me. A gift just for me. We have had a crazy, blessed, rough, busy, awesome, scary, just plain out of control 4 months..then..nothing..like a forced by nature nothing. No one coming or going just a beautiful white silence. One day when the power was out, me plus the 4 Strehle kiddos were all cuddled up on the sofa.. together, nothing electronic, no one fighting, no where to be, warm, cozy.. perfection.

Letting go....

2012-01-11T09:00:00.004-07:00

My first (and only) horse was named Breezy... he was a rascally looking appaloosa pony.

I was sooo that awkward young 80's girl who talked of nothing other than ponies and Black Stallion books.

Even though the world might not have seen my potential, I saw myself as a great english rider in the making (not the mousy, unkept 7 year old that I really was). Jodhpurs, hair in a bun.. I would some how pick up an english accent and put all the other girls to shame.

My father had a much different idea, raised on a very remote ranch in Oregon in the 50's, he was a cowboy.. (like for reals) and only yellowed bellied sissy's rode with pretty hair and proper dressage.

For my inaugural ride, he (being the cowboy that he was) gave me a leg up on that bare backed head strong pony, with only a halter and a lead rope for reigns, slapped Breezey on the arse and sent us both galloping off across the field.

I was 7, and the stage had officially been set for an unhealthy horse and rider relationship.

One day while riding, above mentioned head strong pony decided he wanted to stop and visit with the other horses across the fence. No amount of my kicking, pulling, yanking, kicking more, slapping on the rump, again with the kicking, was going to move him..in fact, in one quick movement he decided to JUMP the fence. (I think he forgot about me...you know being on his back and all.)

In that one swift movement I went from in control (or so I thought) to galloping across a 10 acre field with 8 other horses.

It was the first time in my life that I felt complete helplessness.

As the world spun out of control, no amount of kicking, pulling, crying, yelling, you know.. fighting the inevitable, would change it.

I knew deep down in my 7 year old wisdom that I could not stop that run-away pony.

So I let go.

Today, dear reader I find myself in a season of letting go.

When I released those reigns years ago, I was shocked, an unexpected emotion flooded over me..

FREEDOM.

The freedom of not holding on so tight, not raising my voice (no one was listening regardless)..freedom of knowing I was only responsible for myself once again.. (we are after all, only accountable for one).

I won't lie and tell you that there was no pain involved..but now as I look back, I wonder if it would not have been so painful if I had just not held on so tight.. maybe released the reigns sooner..

Besides, there is a beautiful thing that happens when we let go..a funny little space between release and the freedom we all so desperately seek...

faith.

Putting the reigns back into the hands of my Creator and

letting go.

Balance

2012-01-03T21:13:00.002-07:00

I've been trying to write a 2011 recap for the past week..

It's just not happening, while there are short spurts of witty Amberish humor, it feels forced and disingenuous.. not a fan.

So instead we will just move right along into the New Year.

2012

The year of restoring balance.

You know when Christmas rolls around and you order an egg-nog latte everyday for like two months straight.. then suddenly you have gained 10lbs and can only wear that velour sweat-suit you promised yourself you would never wear?

No??

Oh.. thats never happened to me either... but let's just say I know a gal....

So, instead maybe this gal should have gotten like only one egg-nog latte a week, or even bi-weekly? (crazy thought!) She should have stuck with her normal not AS fattening drink on the off days in order to avoid the above mentioned sweat suit..

You know....

balance.

I woke up one morning during Christmas break (in my velour sweat suit) and realized that maybe... just maybe a few areas in my life had gotten a little out of balance.

My ideal balance..

God

Sexiest jogger in all the land husband

Children

Roosevelt House

My peeps

Dream Job

Philanthropy

Creative endeavors

I look at this list and it makes my tummy feel funny.. because my reality has not been this.

It's time to find balance again..

And maybe switch to decaf.

P.S.

I was TOTALLY joking about switching to decaf.. as if.

P.P.S

I know of a local coffee shop that serves egg-nog ALL YEAR LONG.. who wants to meet me??

Again..joking..balance..check..got it...right.

The List.. broken leg style.

2011-12-16T06:00:00.001-07:00

Ouchy.

Mom feels like she is not doing anything other than standing around and watching..so what does a photog do when she is nervous.. take pictures of course.

Post-op...very sad, drained, tired, cold, smelly Daddy and Mommy and a very loopy boy.

Blue cast on and ready to party!!

One of the many perks to being in a wheel-chair??
You get to be the leader of the congo line at the school dance!!

Now that all four of my readers have left, I need to post something to boost my blog views and since I don't know a Kardashian you will have to settle for a post about my son's broken leg.. (super intriguing)

A list ode' to my youngest boy breaking his leg while playing football and forever becoming the poster child of "thats why I don't let my son play football" (because this is what every Mother who does not have a son who plays football says to me when we tell her that Silas broke his leg playing football)(sigh)

(some people might view this post as exploiting my child) (that's fine, I won't deny it)

10. Cute factor.

I'm not just saying this because he is my baby.. but man that kid of mine is seriously cute.

Cute kid + Wheel-Chair sympathy = Serious cuteness OVERLOAD

9. Hot EMT's and Firefighters fawning over your child.

Hands down, just about the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

(next to my husband jogging of course) (oh and when he does the dishes..thats pretty hot too)

Right now you just maybe asking yourself.. "Wow, I can't believe Amber was checking out the aid workers while her son was in distress."

Hey..we all handle grief in our own way.

8. I'm concerned about him wearing only one shoe for so long, when it's time for him to wear both of them they won't match.

(SUPER deep stuff here on the blog today)

7. Smell that? No you can't through the computer, and you should be very thankful right now.

6. Children are so resilient.

It is truly amazing how quickly they can reassess, adjust and move forward. I need to take note.

5. Child in a wheel-chair in a house that was built in 1914 and has a very narrow steep staircase that leads up to above mentioned child's bedroom... hard..but not impossible and for that I'm thankful.

4. Speaking of thankful...

Strehle's once again have seemed to surround themselves with some of the BEST people around.

We have good peeps in our life. It's an awesome thing to have.

3. A broken leg in the big picture is NOTHING..really it isn't. But sometimes we need a little nudge.. a reminder of how quickly our lives can change.. of whats truly important. (mi familia) and to be thankful for everysingleday... because truthfully getting up and walking around can be seen as a bit of a miracle to some.

2. WHEEL-CHAIR parking permit... at CHRISTMASTIME. Seriously next year I'm going to break my daughters leg in November just to get another one.

(I jest, I jest)

1. All joking aside..

To all the dear parents in the world with kiddos and loved ones with a disability. I have a serious new found respect for you and your amazing self. Never before have I had to worry about wheel-chair accesses, ramps, door width, and how do you shop at Costco with a child in a wheel chair??

And by me writing that, please don't think I'm trying to compare our situations.. I'm not, you are a super-hero and we have experienced a mere hiccup.

You carry burdens that I have been un-empathetic towards.

Our family opening our eyes to these burdens some carry has been a beautiful side effect of the chaos..

When my Maker brings about a blessing from pain??

It just might be my favorite.

Memories of Christmas past...

2011-12-13T06:18:00.001-07:00

Some red tinsel love via my iphone.

There are certain parts of my childhood that I LOVE to remember...those glorious virgin moments..still untainted by life's cruel reality.

Sometimes I think my strong (good) memories are a coping mechanism. There are a few parts of my childhood that are not so warm and fuzzy and as I age and choose to let some of those things go.. the memories become a bit fuzzy and tend to move to the background.

I don't think this is such a bad thing.

A few days ago I pulled bright red tinsel garland out of a Christmas box, held it up to my nose and breathed deep... I took in the scent of many Christmas' past, marveled at time's ruthless march and thought about how since the time I was a very little (sweet) girl I have loved that red tinsel garland.

Do you have an item like that in your life dear reader? Some small piece of history, that takes you right back?

I don't remember pulling it out the year after my Mom passed, but I remember the few years before..bringing out the decorations, the merry making of the tree, tacky glass balls accompanied the tacky red tinsel garland.. perfect makings for a 70's tree.

A few years after my own children were born I was bitter about Christmas. I struggled with the pain that sometimes accompanies so much of the Christmas season. Looking back I think I was mourning a bit, realizing that I did not have my biological mother to share the joy of having my own children to celebrate the birth of my Savior with.

Like maybe it was Christmas' fault..like if we did not put up the tree, I would not have to walk through the pain.

Silly me.

One year as I was reluctantly pulling out our decorations I popped open the red tinsel garland box.. a flood of memories came over me.

They were good memories, mixed with the smells of a stale Christmas waiting for a second chance.

That year when I sang Christmas carols at church they had a deeper meaning, they rang truer than ever before, tears pricked my eyes as I looked down the row at the family that my Maker had blessed me with. No more would I lament what I did not have..no, it was time to be thankful for what I did have.

It was time to start making new memories, let my ghosts of Christmas' past go. To choose to hold onto the good and let the bad become that hazy memory.

Now when you visit my house at Christmastime (please come for coffee & cookies!) you will not find the lastest trend in Anthropolgie tree decorating (sorry) but what you will find is a tree FILLED to the brim with love, meaning, nostalgia and the hope that Christmas brings.

While there is still that tinge of sadness laced through the season, the overwhelming feeling of love, hope, celebration (Christ is Born!) and general good-will towards man now fills the void.

I do love me some Christmastime.

Who would have thought red tinsel garland could mean so much??

(it takes super special skills to turn an inanimate object into a bigger issue..just ask the husband)

Have a blessed week dear reader!

The List.. holiday writers block style.

2011-11-27T18:49:00.009-07:00

Source: i.imgur.com via aj on Pinterest

When life spins out of control I become a little speechless. My words get lost somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas every year.. This year seems particularly intense.. bummer.

So instead of deep ramblings from a self confessed narcissistic blogger I will give you a list..along with (not so) subtly suggesting Christmas present ideas to my husband. (This is a tactic I have yet to use in my many years of blogging.. I will let you know how it works out in the New Year.. and at the rate I'm blogging that just might be the next time you here from me.)

10. Most favorite book ever + Ring that could take a tooth out = Awesome.

Source: digbyandiona.com via jess on Pinterest

9. I can't believe I have not posted in 3 weeks...thats like super long in blogging years.

8. I'm weary. No amount of my favorite under-eye product can help the bags I have going.

7. Mumford + Me + Sexiest jogger in all the land husband = Best birthday present EvA!

Source: Uploaded by user via Amber on Pinterest

6. I soooo feel the need for a new tattoo coming on.. something with birds of course..maybe some words as well??

5. I'm actually excited to shoot the Strehle Christmas card...now if it would just stop raining.

4. The last 4 out of 5 have started with "I"..proof I'm the narcissistic blogger I pretend to play online.

3. It's like the 80's and the 90's hooked up and made beautiful babies..My inner Debbie Gibson and Eddie Vedder NEED these boots.

Source: urbanoutfitters.com via Lily on Pinterest

2. I have a new friend, she stalked me on my blog before we became better friends..she said I write like I talk.. that was the coolest thing anyone has said to me in a very long time.. (other than.."Amber, have you been loosing weight?" Which for the record is the very coolest thing anyone has ever asked me) (I'm kidding) (kinda) (oh man my narcissism running deep tonight)

1. The writers block will go away.. it will. Maybe just forcing myself to sit down this evening, turn off my mind and slowly tap, tap, tap on this keyboard will dust the cobwebs out. I love this space. Writing is very much an extension of deepest self..so with that thought, I need to give my deepest self a little grace.. grace to NOT write, grace to mourn, grace to yield to the pressures that my life is bringing me right now. When the words are ready they will be back.

My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way.
Ernest Hemingway

A post about football..and pie.

2011-11-04T09:00:00.002-07:00

I write this post chewing on a bit of humble pie (it's dry, tastes like chicken). Not being a "sportish" family we were a little shocked when the babe of the family asked to play tackle football. I just might have had a bit of an attitude about the whole business...

(Insert photo of what Amber really thinks of football players here)

Of course a normal Amberish story would not be complete without it ending in me being wrong, eating the pie and blogging about it later..so here you go.

My ode to our 2011 Snohomish 8/9 Panther Red football season..

10 Things I learned while spending HOURS watching my sweet boy play football. (catchy title!)

10. You're only as strong as your offensive line. (the person/people who have your back)

My boy is QB, while you might think this lofty title means the show is all about you, nothing really could be further from the truth. If your o-line is not blocking for you, you can't complete the pass. PERIOD. It does not matter how stinking good you think you are.

Find your strong peeps, take care of them, hold them close and let them know you would be nothing without them.

9. People on the sidelines can be distracting..and should not define who you truly are.

You know those times when all the world seems perfect?? Your team is up 24-zip, you get 500 comments on your blog post, your facebook fan page suddenly hits 5 bazillion fans for no good reason other than you being awesome...

Don't let it go to the noggin.. because soon...

You will screw up (because we all do), maybe even lose the entire game for the team and those same people that left the 500 comments will be GONE or worse talking smack from the side-lines..oh yes, you will wish they were gone.

Either way it's distracting and if we focus on that chatter (good and bad) too much it will make you jaded. This ruins your game and your art.

Do your job and stay true to who The Creator made you to be. Shut out the noise.

8. Sometimes Ref's make really bad calls and you just have to GET OVER IT.

(life is not fair)

We all have our stories of injustice.

Yes, I know that one competitor should have NEVER landed that huge account with the super fancy, special, just plain AWESOME client..yes, you should have gotten it!

But you didn't...and now you have two choices.

Move on, drop your shoulder, plow through it, get the next job.

Nothing good comes from arguing with the ref..bitterness is a ugly little mess that has never served anyone much good.

7. Watch the film from your game. (learn from your mistakes)

Every once in a while I think about the one that got away. In fact, for the first six months after, that's all I could think about..to the point of paralyzing fear.

Now when I think about it, I think about how I'm NOT ever going to make that same mistake again, I use that moment to push me forward..to urge me past that fear.

There is nothing wrong with failure or mistakes, that means you were out there playing the game in the first place. Identify what you did wrong, fix the problem, bank it and move forward.

6. Take a knee. (empathy)

Ok, I'm not going to lie here..sometimes there is this one kid on the opposing team that we can not for theloveofpete stop. He runs in like 60 touchdowns, catches every pass, makes 10 interceptions..seriously the kid is a beast.

I want him destroyed.

Then he gets hurt and my mommy heart suddenly kicks in and I personally want to run out on the field and make sure he is ok. Our team, in respect takes a knee and waits while he is escorted off of the field.

We should not rejoice in others pain or failure, yes even when that person might have even had it coming to them...even when secretly (or not so secretly) we want them to fail.

Take the high road, take a knee and just for a second imagine walking for a few days in their shoes.

5. Listen to your coach. (respect authority)

I wish this was a easy one for me..like I wish I could sit here and write all about how respecting people placed in authority over me is like second nature.. um no.

Actually the first thought that comes to mind is.."who do you think YOU are telling me what to do!"

A few weeks ago a very dear friend sat me down and gave me a little "coaching".. sometimes an outside perspective is the exact coaching we need. It's amazing how much we blind ourselves to our own imperfections..

Your close family and friends only want the best for you. When you are corrected, reprimanded or made to run 10 laps its not because the coach hates you. No, it's because they see how much better you can be, you need pushing..a little tweak here and there..they only want the best you.

Don't bristle, embrace it.

4. Sacrifice. (sacrifice)

Nothing good comes easy.

Not my marriage.

Not my relationship with my Maker.

Not raising children.

Not owning a successful business.

Not cultivating healthy relationships.

It's hard work, am I willing to make sacrifices for it?

3. DON'T GIVE UP. (there is always hope..always)

Did you know that Steve Jobs basically was kicked out of Apple, had one major fail of a new computer called NeXt and had an unheard of failed company by the name of Pixar Studios.

While NeXT ended up going by the way side, Pixar and Apple did not. We all know the rest of THAT story (hold on, I need to answer my iphone, while watching Toy Story 3 on my Mac Book Pro).

We pretty much have all been faced with that dark hour.

Remember when you are at the bottom the only place you have to go is up.

2. Little plays turn into big plays. (inch by inch)

If you are losing only one pound a week..in one year that is 52 pounds.

Sometimes we get caught up in the "go big or go home" mentality...mostly that just leaves us..well going home.

Real life is daily, it's a grind, even if we are only gaining four or five yards at a time, it's forward motion..

Small victories turn into one heck of a celebration at the end.

Pretty soon you will be looking back across the field not even realizing how far you really have come.

1. There is no "I" in team. (cliche, but true)

We are a bit of a narcissistic bunch are we not?? We tend to be self absorbed, facebook, twitter and yes even blogging only bring out that notion more (well in me anyways).

Life is sooo much bigger than just me...and I think it is so much sweeter when I step outside of myself..open up..live with others..work with others.

Life was not meant to be lived alone. We were made for community, we need each other. We need real..physical relationships..depth.

Life is getting out on the field with your peeps, getting dirty, losing, winning, celebrating.

TOGETHER.

To end my inspirational sports post..I will leave you with a much more inspirational sports video..grab a tissue.

Words.

2011-10-26T06:00:00.001-07:00

Source: hinukshines.tumblr.com via Marie on Pinterest

This past Sunday our Pastor spoke about murder. Of course I sat there all pious thinking to myself..

"oh I'm not a murderer, so I don't really need to pay attention..which is good because I'm sleepy, I need a bit of a nap.."

Then he started talking about murdering people with our words..this made me feel not so sleepy anymore.

Today I thought about the utter power our words hold.

Power to lift up, heal, love, sooth, protect, stir, invoke desire, adoration.

My words effect others. Your words effect others.

More importantly..

What effect do our words have on others??

Where there are words of love, there are also words of hate, slander and malice. Once these words are spoken, they are not soon forgotten, the impact is long lasting, sometimes it is even handed down from generation to generation.

It seems like maybe we have forgotten how powerful we are when we speak. I'm not saying this in some narcissistic way, like "Oh I'm soo awesome when I talk!" no I'm saying it like, "Do I realize that I can ruin a life by speaking mean words?" kind of way.

Heavy.

I have witnessed too much meanness lately. Just down right dirty meanness. Words spoken with only one single intent.

Murder.

Maybe not in a literal sense, but in a hurtful, devastating, lasting effect kind of way.

Once these words have been spoken they invoke the same type of words in response..the effect is ugly and rarely leads to any sort of reconciliation or forward movement.. no they just hurt.

Truthfully dear reader I'm not even sure why I'm blogging this..not sure why I needed to share..this has been weighing heavy on my heart all week long and I guess I needed to blog it off my chest..

I also know that I need to tread lightly, keep myself in check better, be more diligent about my OWN words..because really those are the only words I'm responsible for. (I wish I could fix others mean words) I have to ask myself, what harm have I caused with my own sassy mouth?? (that is a rhetorical question..meaning no I don't need an answer..thankyouverymuch)

I only have just this one life (really that is all I can take). I plan on squeezing everylastsinglebreath out of it, I don't want my breaths to be remembered as mean words.

No, I'm choosing life giving words, words that lift the spirit, words that comfort, words of love and grace.

The best kind of words.

The List...Things I'm in love with right this moment.

2011-10-21T06:00:00.001-07:00

Source: m-e-r-m-a-i-d-c-h-i-l-d.tumblr.com via Wen Ling on Pinterest

10. The current blunt bang, frizzy long, generally messy hair thing going on. You have NO idea how well this works with my life. I mean looking like you just rolled out of bed is fashionable???

It's like Christmas morning!

9. The perfect red lipstick. I will hunt you down and pay a sinful amount of money for that little magic tube..just you wait.

Source: tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

8. Menu planning. I have been doing this just a little over 3 years now, it's a HUGE blessing to me (meal planning a blessing?? You Betcha!). I'm never stressed out about what to make for dinner. Our schedules are CRAZY INSANE right now and truthfully if I had the one most dreaded question of the day ("Mom, whats for dinner?") hanging over my head it might just push me over the edge.

Also I found this RAD blog..she has all sorts of fun little down loads for planning..with my oh so favorite meal planning page. Love.

7. People who are honest. (sometimes honesty is not what we think it might be. Like I don't like the honest answer to.."Does my butt look big in these jeans" but the friend/spouse/family member that answers it honestly is truly worth his or her weight in gold..fo shizzle.)

This is how the cigarette label looked in Kenya. Honest.

Source: None via Rachel on Pinterest

6. My little blogdom community. I can be over-dramatic, intense, narcissitic and generally dumb at times. But it seems like no matter what I always come back here..to my words and my happy little place.

5. My husband. (aka sexiest jogger in all the land)
He's hot, he takes care of me, puts UP with me, is such a good daddy and is my biggest fan.

4. Fall...

Orange, leaves, smell of said leaves, pumpkins, pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING...yummy!, delicious golden light in the evening, light pink foggy defused light in the morning, the feeling of nesting for the winter, the passing of another season, it's like the trees are on FIRE around here, steaming hot coffee in front of cozy warm fires, planning for Thanksgiving!! (my favorite!) and yes, I'm even getting a little excited for Christmas..

3. Painting my fingernails. I'm in love with this right now..so cheap, so relaxing, so adorable. I just wish they lasted longer than 5 minutes without getting chipped..bummer.

Source: picturesandquotes.net via Wen Ling on Pinterest

2. I'm a little obsessed with oil paintings right now.. I just want to collect and collect. I'm looking for a nice large oil of a ship on rough waters. I grew up with one on our mantel and I'm feeling all nostalgic and want to find one for my mantel..Good thing Ruffles and Rust is coming this weekend!! I'm bound to find a ship painting or two...

1. Monday.

Monday night is currently our family dinner night. It is the one night of the week that all Strehle's are home. I love it. We do high's and lows, eat well (it's kinda like Sunday dinner) play a board game and hit the hay a little early. It's one of those times that are increasingly rare here at Roosevelt House. On Monday night I feel like all is well with the world. It's kinda the best.

0. I'm confessing my undying love for Pinterest. Yes I have fallen hard for yet ANOTHER time sucker web-site that gives me 5 billion ideas if I could just fortheloveofpete walk away from the computer and GO do those 5 billion things..it's like blogging in 2005..only worse..no wonder we all have ADHD.

A reminder.

2011-10-14T06:00:00.001-07:00

Source: teachpreschool.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

I sighed loudly and clicked the little red X in the corner of the screen.

I thought that I had needed inspiration, but I just ended up feeling sad...well maybe not just sad, more like insecure, inadequate, stupid and generally the feeling you get when you buy into the lie of,

"Not good enough"

Sometimes I get caught up for a minute or two (honestly it can be like HOURS) online. This time I was browsing some other photography blogs..doing a little "research" on Pinterest..generally trying to get my creative juices flowing, but funny thing is, it did just the opposite.

So I proceeded on to my post edit work (insert the story here about how this just might be my LEAST favorite part of photography)(my favorite part is the "taking a picture and laughing and causing a bit of a scene" part). My favorite type of post edit work is ZERO POST EDIT WORK..like maybe just a little tweak here, a little crop here, a little sharpening here..I'm happy.

BUT I was feeling all insecurish, like maybe what I normally gravitate towards was not good enough.. and I started asking myself all the questions about maybe I should try this, or try that..but really I was just thinking I should make my photo's look like someone else's photo's.

Not at all Amberish.

When I got the prints back from the lab it hit me..the obvious of what I had done.

I hated the photo's. They did not look back at me and say Tres Birds..no they looked back and said..

BE ORIGINAL AND GO WITH YOUR GUT WOMAN!!!! WHAT A SHAM!!!

I was a little bit annoyed with myself. (ok like a lot)

I would like to sit here and blame the over-saturation of the creative market.

I would like to sit here and blame the horrible taste of the average consumer.

(wow..that was super passive aggressive)(all but Tres Birds consumers!)(better?)

I would like to blame the absence of originality.

I would like to sit here and blame, blame, and more blame.

But that is easy..and it sounds bitter.

Things that are awesome never come easy and bitterness and beautiful art don't even deserve to stand in the same sentence.

No, it's not the fault of others..it is my fault. My silly insecurities.. I wonder if Annie Leibovitz still does this?? Does she ever look at her images and say..."Man, if only this one looked like an Ansel Adams."

I kinda doubt it.

So all the images went in the trash, where they belonged in my opinion. Such a gross non- representation of my art made me feel all funny inside, like maybe I had just sold my creative soul to the diablo.

Being yourself at times can be risky. Trusting that gut instinct seems so..well uncertain.

But I gotta say, failing at being me has just got to be a whole lot better than succeeding at something I'm not.

Plan B, or C..D?..E?

2011-09-30T08:00:00.001-07:00

This picture has nothing to do with plans..but I like it..and I should stop being lazy and post my own images:)

Sexiest jogger in all the land husband and I had a pretty air tight plan. We thought we had it all under control.

We had been married a whopping 9 months, just purchased our first little nest and were happily on our way down the dual income no kids way of life road.

We had given ourselves 5 years to start a family, we were going to go to school (me), work like mad, (him and me) pay down the place, and live the generally blissful life of newly weds with extra cash and no kiddos.

Then one day I felt funny, and the next day I felt funny again, then I remembered that I should have had that monthly visitor..and she had failed to show up..like for a long time..it was a little like when you're waiting for the UPS man to come and the doorbell rings, but it's just the neighbor you're all disappointed..cuz you really wanted that necklace you ordered from ETSY.

I was 21, sexiest jogger husband in all the land did not even have chest hair, because he was only 20. In just a few short weeks we would see not one wee Strehle on the screen..but DOS (that's two in spanish) (I like to use spanish numbers, it makes me sound smart.).

Yup, parents of twins, us barely grown ourselves...

We went from our 5 year plan to the.. "WHAT THE $%#$%$#%!!!" plan. Do you know the one??
Today I was thinking about how life never really seems to go according to our plan. Mostly this is ok, somedays it's a tad bit overwhelming.

Just a few years after our many attempts at "planning" (hahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahaha). I have come to realize that while planning is good, and we should not just float through life with zero direction..

Plans should be held loosely...

I'm begining to think that where my life seems to be lived, is in the spaces between plans. Like I make plans..they go all wonky..then I start to plan again..mostly never really reaching the point I had planned so hard for. It's a funny little cycle I find myself in.

If I hold too tightly to the things I thought should be, then I will miss out on all the things that are actually taking place right this very moment.

My plan did not include my now 14 yr old twins, but thankfully my Maker's plan did.

I'm trying (ok, like those 3 weeks of the month that I'm stable) to sit in a place of contentment of knowing there is a MUCH bigger plan at work..

a better plan for me..

in fact, a perfect plan for me.

The List..

2011-09-23T08:00:00.001-07:00

Back to school....

Freshmen.

6th grade and 3rd grade.

10. I remember when it seemed like it took forever for a month to go by. Now it seems like YEARS go by crazy fast. This must be what it feels like to get old..or gain wisdom.. yes, I like the sound of that better.. thankyouverymuch.

9. You would think with the kiddos back to school life might slow down just a bit...

8. The Strehle's are rocking the school year so far. I just feel so dang blessed with this area of our lives..so far, so good. (did I just jinx myself by typing that??) (of course I did) (stay tuned for an overdramatic post about my childrens school..coming soon)

7. Major life lesson #3449587034587324597834..... When my kiddos struggle in any sort of sporting activity, it really just about kills me. Seriously. I'm not sure why I take it so personally, but I do. I'm stinking ridiculous and I know it.

6. What an amazing fall this has been!! Last night when I was on my way home it was still 73 degrees out!!! YAY!!!!! I know this is God's little gift after summer totally bombed.. and of course it does make me wonder what kind of a winter we are going to have.. I hear it's going to be a bit of a nasty one so I'm counting the good days while we still have em:)

5. This week I tweeted something along the lines of this.."I'm beginning to think that those of us who are bad spellers and tend toward faux pas' should not be allowed to use social media" It's like all the worst parts about me are laid bare every time I tweet. Or worse..the misspelled status update!! HORROR!!!! I can't for the love of pete get it right!!!!!! In my personal daily life I'm always putting my foot in my mouth..or not taking my turn..misquoting..misuse of really cool and big words.. now I do it in my social media life as well.. awesome..oh yes I'm so awesome like that.

4. If you have been a blog reader for some time you will know how much I LOATHE Halloween. I really think fall would be so much prettier without too much sugar and horror movie costumes.

3. I had lunch this week with a fellow creative. Wow..it was pretty powerful. I so so so needed it. It was like a recharge to my creative battery. There are certain parts of this funny crazy creative life we lead that not everyone "gets". Being with a person in a place of safety and no competition is flipping RARE I tell ya! I need more of that in my life.. it needs to become a goal.. a purposeful decision to PHYSICALLY (not just fb/blogging) to foster a few more of those relationships. It's kinda like the first time I ate Nutella..and from that moment on knew I could never live without it again.. yup peeps, it's just that good.

2. Do you ever find it hard not to become jaded??

1. I've been in a time of (quiet) reflection and growth.. I'm starting to feel that itch of moving forward..

"In every time there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven."

Before it was a song, it was in Ecclesiastes 3.

Have a wonderful weekend sweet reader!

Crystal Clear

2011-09-19T16:03:00.004-07:00

Source: cubiclerefugee.tumblr.com via Jenna on Pinterest

Have you ever tried to wear another persons prescription glasses? Sexiest jogger in all the land husband wears glasses and once I tried them on.

Everything was all blurry, it looked like the entire world shifted left like 5 feet..plus my head started to pound instantly. The longer I kept them on the worse it was. I thought maybe if I just blinked a whole bunch and moved my head around like a crazy person the world would suddenly come into focus.

There are times in my life that I have walked around (ok..bumped around) looking at the world through glasses that were not meant for me.

I remember the first time I read Artful Blogging Magazine. I was enraptured. There was such beautifully pink hued crafty stuff. So many cute ladies in skirts with dark eyed perfect looking children, leading seemingly perfect creative lives. (for the record I LOVE Artful Blogging..still buy every single issue!!)

So I thought I should try those glasses on..like maybe become a craft blogger. Of course, they did not really fit and I ended up with a headache and like 10 pounds of german glass glitter.

Or that time this last spring that I thought I could be the star of my recreational softball team.

Those glasses REALLY did not fit and I ended up with pretty severe injury and a majorly bruised EGO. Let's just blame in on the blurry glasses..not my softball skills please.

Then you have those rare moments of clarity..and when I say rare, I really mean RARE. (for me anyway) (maybe you are just more awesome than me)(whatever)(quit your bragging)

There are those moments when you put on the next pair of glasses and the world is suddenly crystal clear. Everything pops with the intensity of the moment, you can feel the crackle of tension in the air..you know what you see, you know how to get it and everything else fades into the background..blurry and out of focus, like the glasses that didn't fit..

It is then you come to the preverbal "fork in the road".

Do you go back in the direction of ill-prescribed, out of focus thinking? (even though it might give you a head-ache..at least you know what to expect..it's comfy..right?)

Or..do you surge forward? Towards clarity, made just for you and no one else focus? (but it's sooo unknown! So scary! So out of my control! What will people think? What do I think? Help!!)

Today dear reader I mean to encourage you. Do you know that there is a pair of glasses out there that are custom made just for you?? My creator did not intend for me to love german glass glitter..and that is ok..really. Those were not my glasses..

I'm pretty sure that deep down in that sweet soul of yours you know what pair of glasses are made for you. They might be in the form of a little dream, a goal, something you have always read about, a "I could soo do that", maybe a gentle nudge from above..

Girl..run to those glasses.

Put them on and never ever look back.

iphone summer

2011-09-12T09:13:00.002-07:00

A condensed version of the Strehle summer 2011 via my iphone.

(it's a little bit better than sitting through a slide show of vacation photo's..just a little)

Bragging on my children part...

Twin A & B..totally ROCKED the academic awards at school..so dang proud of those boys. They get all the smart parts from their Dad..oh and the dashing good looks part too.

Si's team takes 1st place in flag football...then we take the next big step...

Tackle..yes we are those people now. Si made Panther Red and starting August 1st life has pretty much revolved around football.

My sweet girl is invited to practice with a local select softball team..we accept..she has the time of her life.

The part where my really good friend moves away from Washington (and I just might have shed a tear or 10), in her 6 (or was it 8??) years of living here she had never been to the space needle..so we fixed that part...

We even were nice and brought the kids..they were super excited about it.

Then there was the multiple road trip part..we drove all over this summer..it was awesome...

My feet..some where in Wyoming.

Nebraska farmland.

Kinda self explanatory..

Amazing Veteran's cemetery in South Dakota. There were memorials from the Spanish-American war. We could have spent days there..

No self respecting Strehle can go to Nebraska and not pay a visit to Husker Stadium.

Cool museum in Nebraska.

He thought I was Jane.

Camping:)

Then there was the beach, babysitting and berry picking part..

Nothing says summer like falling asleep smelling like a camp fire..

Coffee and coco with my sweet girl.

My favorite bruschetta recipe..found here...yum. (I tweak it a lot)

I had an AMAZING summer..so thankful for mi familia, my husband and all the good peeps in my life.
Sometimes life is just good, not for any special reason other than to be breathing and taking in every single moment we can.

We have been having an amazing fall..it has been a little bit of perfection all rolled up into yellowy grasses and cool mornings...love this time of year.

Enjoy your week sweet readers!

First day of school.

2011-09-07T06:00:00.002-07:00

Source: failblog.org via Luce on Pinterest

I swear I blogged about the last day of school like 3 weeks ago, it really honestly feels like 3 weeks. But no, here I am the eve of the first day of school..blogging out my feelings while my house quietly dreams.

It's a big year here at Roosevelt house, I have freshmen (dos). My girl will be 12 and my wee babe is turning 9 on Friday.

Father Time.. you are just plain KILLING ME.

My words are jumbled..my mind a little bit blank. I keep looking around to find some witty words, but they are evasive at the moment and I just keep landing in the same spot,

bewilderment.

Some days I feel super guilty, like maybe I tried to rush past the annoying parts of raising children. Like fast forwarding diapers, toys dumped everywhere, being tied to nap times and long sleepless nights. I wanted to skip ahead to self sufficiency, and not having to give baths everysinglenightofmylife.

So here we are, and the stress is different. Before I was devastated when my 2 yr old told me, "No!". Yesterday my 14yr said, "Mom you are going to have to come to the realization that you will not always be able to tell me what to do."

Right. Check. Roger that.

We are a funny, funny people, always wanting what we do not have, always thinking that what is up ahead is so so much better. Does it not seem like we are always trying to get past the spot that we are in right now?? Because the next spot is going to be soooo much better only to find us STILL looking ahead to the next phase?? It's a whole lot of crazy. I'm a whole lot of crazy. (no need to comment on that last statement)

Don't get me wrong..going back to the diaper phase does NOT sound appealing, I guess I just wish I would have embraced it just a little bit more.. yielded to what my life was then.

Tonight we gathered around our table, all 6 of us, ate yummy blackberry cobbler and prayed. Lately all 6 of us around the table at the same time is rare..us praying together as a family is even more rare. Oh how I thanked my Maker! I basked in the moment and drank in the beauty that is family.

Another year is ending, another season is beginning.. I just need to remember not to rush this next one so much, because dang it, time is something we never get back.

Sorry..

2011-08-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

Source: bippityboppityboo.tumblr.com via Julia on Pinterest

I'm busy with the whispery end of summer..

The cooler mornings, cooler evenings.

School supplies, skinny jeans, the harvest, nervous kiddos and anxious parents.

Sadness and anticipation all rolled up into one orangish season.

To my 5 faithful and loyal readers, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying my hardest to savor every single minute we have left.

For we will never get today back and time is a ruthless task master.

xoxoxo

The List.

2011-08-18T21:33:00.002-07:00

Could this be any cuter?? Don't think so.

10. Every single August it happens..this year has been no less eventful.
The "Amber has a mental break down when she see's the back-to-school supplies in Wal-Mart." event.
This summer has BLAZED by.. seriously, where did it go? AND to top it all off...

I have two going into high-school this year.

Deep easy breaths Amber..deep easy breaths.

9. I'm pretty sure the sweet girl that posted a picture of me on my facebook page did not realize it would send me into self-loathing territory. There are days when social-media bites.

8. I need to diet (see #9). This does not intersect very well with pumpkin spice lattes..pumpkin pasta..pumpkin pie..pumpkin scones..(I just drooled on my keyboard)

7. Fall makes me super introspective. It's like New Years for Mommies with school aged children.

6. The comments on my last post made my bloggity heart all big and squishy. I'm not gonna lie..the whole posting my blog on my facebook page was a really big jump..super super vulnerable spot for me. Sometimes when I blog the words just tumble fast from my fingers. My last post was the fast tumble..it just poured out. I was a little scared to post..God had to give me a little push..so I guess I figured it was safe:)

5. You know those kind of people that try and make you feel small so they can feel big?

4. There is this funny thing with social media..if you are silent for a while, peeps think you don't have anything going on..or maybe your ship has sailed. Like your not cool anymore. That is a funny thought to me, maybe your just so busy living real life you don't have time.

3. Fall is in the air. (I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with that statement)

2. Abercrombie asked the cast of Jersey Shore NOT to wear their clothing anymore..tarnishing the brand?? REALLY!!!!! I thought that marketing to d-bags everywhere WAS the brand??!!! Next they need to patrol college campuses, frat parties and The Mall of America.

1. I posted this video on my Tres Birds fan page..but I liked it so much I thought I should share..I found it here.

My Scar.

2011-08-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

**Sorry no picture today, but really I could not bring myself to type "scar" into google images..yuck.**

I'm not sure why, but my daughter is always talking to me about the scar on my chest.

"Mom, today your scar looks a little like a pretty necklace."

"Mom, if I look at your scar in the right light, it's not as noticeable."

"Mom, do you think your scar will ever go away?"

Truthfully I don't think it's the scar itself that intrigues her so much..but rather the story behind the scar on my chest.

It's kind of an embarrassing story..not one of my finer moments. By sharing this story with you it (just might) change your opinion of me... (like by thinking..she really is not as smart as she writes she is, and thoughts like that)(but really I am pretty smart)(some days)(ok, like maybe 3 days of the month)(but that is saying something)(right?)

I tried to iron my shirt while I was wearing it.

Ok, really I was steaming the shirt while I was wearing it, but I was in a hurry and not really focusing on what I was doing and..well now I have a slightly noticeable scar smack in the middle of my chest..right where a necklace would sit.

This week I was thinking about scars.. actually emotional scars.

I was thinking that it would be pretty dang handy if all of our emotional scars were visible..like the one in the middle of my chest.

For instance, if I had a handy little scar that read..

"Lost Mom at a young age, so she overcompensates by attempting (rather poorly I might add) at being the best Mom ever to her children. At times this can take over her life and everything else is just going to have to take a back seat..God, husband, parents, ect..please don't take it personally when she does not have time for you.

Others might say,

"Had an eating disorder in High-School, struggles with body image and can some times act rude when I feel threatened."

"My childhood was so out of control I try really hard to control everything around me as an adult, yes I'm a control freak."

"I was hurt by someone at church, I blame God, any talk of religion makes me feel judged."

I think that if we had outside labels on our inside hurts we might be a tad bit more understanding of others.

Sometimes we try really, really hard to keep our scars hidden.

It would be like if I decided to wear a turtle neck, every single day, for the rest of my life.

"Hmm, what is up with that Amber chick? Why does she wear a turtle neck to the beach?" (ok, not Washington beaches..like California beaches..work with me)

At a certain point, people start noticing our emotional scars, they kind of manifest themselves even when we try to keep them hidden. Actually...mostly when we try and hide them they tend to show up at very inconvenient times..we look rude, insecure, angry for all the wrong reasons.

I'm pretty sure when the woman yelled at me in the Safeway parking lot it really did not have too much to do with my parking job.

I need to work a little harder on looking deeper, ask God to help me see past the the turtle neck sweater, not be quick to judge and remember that people are fragile, we have stories, reasons, scars.

It's a shallow life that does not give a person a few scars.

Garrison Keillor

I don't like meat dresses.

2011-07-30T07:00:00.002-07:00

Almost any difficulty will move in the face of honesty. When I am honest I never feel stupid. And when I am honest I am automatically humble.

Hugh Prather

Last week I was asked to submit a bio..you know write a little ditty about yourself..like this..

Amber Strehle

Amber's journey began when she sprang from the womb with a vintage Hasselblad clutched in her hand. Following her life long dream of...words, words, words, art, words, words, words, children, words, most important, words, words, travel, words words words, please for theloveofpete hire me, words, words, words.

I kinda got a little neurotic (can you tell) when asked to submit it. I started researching "How to write an effective bio line" on google, pretty much stayed up for like 24 hours straight, micro analyzing myself, generally freaking out.

I came to a conclusion..

I suck at tooting my own horn...or a more businessy term..

Self Promotion.

I'm not good at it. I'm envious of those who are.

You know those businesses/blogs..they talk up all the places they have been published and seen..and then it's really like this teeny-tiny picture in the back 2 pages..but they act like it's the stinking cover of Time magazine.

I wish I could be like that. Really I do..but instead I tend to downplay my accomplishments, I think self-promotion should be saved for when I actually have something of worth (like the cover of Time)(cure for cancer)(world peace) to self promote.

BUT how will I be discovered by Time Magazine if I don't promote myself??

CRAZY KEEP ME UP FOR 20 HOURS STRAIGHT QUESTION!!!

Even writing this post feels a little too "toot my own hornish".

Am I passively agressively self-promoting, by writing about how I hate to self-promote, therefore self-promoting myself????????

AHHH THE HUMANITY!!

Last year I met a book publisher (random meeting) she was pretty awesome. My head was SWIMMING..like I was sooo freaking out inside. I had a gazillion questions..she gave me lots of good advice and insight..one thing she said was,

"Amber we look for rock-star qualities, those are the people who make it, they want it..bad."

Oh.

Is what went through my head (super deep, right?). I'm sure I even looked a little deflated.

I'm not a rock-star, never will be. I have goals/dreams/ideas that I hope and work dang hard to one day live out..things I work toward accomplishing..

but I'm not wearing a meat dress to get it...

So I wrote my bio..and re-wrote, called The Dish (we made up a few faux bio's..HILAROUS), wrote some more, called sexiest jogger in all the land husband (umm no help), stopped by The Store (Timi is my biggest cheerleader..RA-RA Amber!), wrote again, finally said ENOUGH and submitted the thing.

Actually when I think about it..it kinda comes down to being real. When I sit down to write about myself, I can't write fluff. Even if I did have the cover shot on Time..I think I would still have a hard time not being real..Amberish.

Not average.. not predictable.. drinks too much coffee..cleans toilets on Tuesday and eats popcorn late at night.

Maybe a little bit batty.. (just maybe..husband is NOT allowed to comment on my blog)

Me.

The List..vacation style.

2011-07-18T05:00:00.001-07:00

10. 6 people (4 being 14 and under) in a smoking hot mini-van cross country would send most people over the edge. Not me:) I have to say that I just might have the best car trip children in all of the land. They did awesome.

9. Books on tape are a life saver. We love us some books on tape, a few years ago during road trip 2009 (AZ/CA/UT/ID/WA) we listened to the entire Narnia series. This trip we listened to 3 different books, for a total of like 60 hours of reading.

Readers are leaders!

8. The fact that sexiest jogger in all of the land husband and I are still married after a nine day road trip/visit inlaws/cheap hotel vacation is proof that God really does indeed exist. (because we could not have done it on our own)

7. Genetics are a VERY powerful thing! Our kiddos have not been raised with my husband's side of the family (this is a little sad to me). It totally AMAZED me how much they are like his side of the family!! SERIOUSLY! They just fit right in, it was almost like we had always been around, like we really did belong in Nebraska. It made our hearts all happy and big:)

6. We really felt pretty dang loved on. Thank you:)

5. Fireflies!!! Us west coasters have never seen such a thing! Isabelle and Silas spent hours chasing and collecting up jars of the little blinking bugs. FUN!

4. It's amazing how much your perspective shifts with age and a slight attempt at wisdom.

3. It's a little hard to leave family, especially when you are not too sure you will ever be able to see them again.

2. You know..it's kinda a big deal when you offer up your home to a family with 4 kiddos. While we are a pretty well behaved bunch, we still make messes and just generally upset the natural order of things (cuz we are awesome like that). A big big thank you to Sue and Gil for making us feel so dang welcome and comfy.

1. Family is important.

We had this running joke on our trip (this happened at least 6 times..I'm not joking, maybe more)

"So where are you all headed?" The friendly stranger would ask.

"Nebraska!" We would all respond in our most positive tones.

"Why?" Would be the panned face response.

It made me think about how family is not as important as it used to be. Working is important (and it is, don't get me wrong) fancy vacations are important (and they are pretty dang nice..don't get me wrong) completing lots of home renovation projects and finding yourself in Kenya is important (again..they both hold important spots).

Issues and a bit of dysfunction will always be present. Learning to navigate our way through all those realities is honest, gritty life.

Cabo will always be there.

Grandma will not.

I can't stress how happy we are to have made the cross country trek. It truly was a trip for the memory books. Thank you, thank you to all our Nebraska family for such a lovely time.

And remember..I hear that Washington State is really nice during..umm..well ok..honestly..it is NEVER nice here, but the bed is cozy and love is abundant.

Visit soon:)

Pictures..of course! (only a few..lots of very special peeps are missing from these)

Zach, Strehle kiddos, Grandma, Aunt Mary and uber popular cousin Greg:)
Zach, Strehle kiddos, Hesshiemer cousins and Zach's mom:)
Zach and his Grandma:)

Strehle kiddos at Rushmore..another post on that stop entirely! It was AMAZING!! For some reason I got all sentimental there..felt all Americanish and also totally inspired by the story and passion! Just think of the creative genius it took to make such a piece..crazy!!!

Inspiration

2011-07-12T10:52:00.001-07:00

Your muse can be a funny, fickle thing.

She flits around from moment to moment, she is elusive, fleeting and rarely comes right when you need her. Many an artist have cursed inspiration.

Many write about how to power through the times (years even) when she is absent.

When I think of how inspiration hits..for me it's often like this..

If you remember the movie correctly, Greg Kinnear's character had gone through some pretty rough stuff. In a perfect world, life is easy and inspiration readily flows..as we have all noticed this is hardly a perfect world. I think this scene truly portrays how inspiration strikes..it's not like he was looking all over for it..he was not even thinking about creating at that moment..then it just happened..it was time to work..it was a force..and it could not be stopped.

I think finding inspiration in the hardship that is life is where beautiful art can be created. Beauty in the conflict, beauty in the raw, beauty in the mundane.

At times, we as artist's try to force..stage it. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, but when you think about art that speaks the most to you (I mean really think about it) most of the time it is not the forced or staged piece. The picture that you love of your children the most is normally one that you snapped in bad light, slighty fuzzy and just might not have great composition..but it is raw and honest.

Finding the balance between working only on inspiration vs. forcing beauty is a tricky little spot. I wish I was better at working in forced situations. I'm just not. I think it is my free spirited tendencies..I love the idea of wistful beauty and constant inspiration..that is sooo not my life!!

Take this post for instance..really I should blog about our vacation..I should post lots of {forced} family pictures..but instead I'm choosing to be wistful..it really is a bit of a problem..shame on me.

Stay tuned for the vacation post..it's coming..really I promise..but for now here is the wistful post..and some wistful pictures to accompany it.

I'm not sure why I love this image so..but I do, it's a little "depression era-esque" if you ask me.

My muse often lays in abandoned buildings in rolling meadows.

Road Trip {bliss}

2011-06-29T15:16:00.011-07:00

Source: etsy.com via Glenna on Pinterest

Ok..your sweet words about my last post..gosh guys..you have know idea how much it means to me. Thank you:)

Now, on to the current adventure...

I'm CRAVING a break. I need some silence (in a mini-van w/six Strehle's).

I need to clear my noggin. I need to re-evaluate a few things in my life. I need to clarify a few things in my life. I need to focus on mi famila. I need to have some uninterrupted time with the sexiest jogger in all of the land. I need open road and the smell of freedom.

I need a road trip.

The open road soothes my soul, relaxes my spirit and invites inspiration..

Source: flickr.com via Johanna on Pinterest

Source: justwait.tumblr.com via one on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via one on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via one on Pinterest

Source: ohjoy.blogs.com via one on Pinterest

Source: bloom-grow-love.blogspot.com via Seamus on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via SarahKeith on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Kelly on Pinterest

I'm out peeps..look for a few updates from the road.

xxoo

Gratitude.

2011-06-23T06:00:00.005-07:00

grat·i·tude/ˈgratəˌt(y)o͞o

Noun: The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

In all the hullabaloo that is my life, at times I forget things. This is really not good. In fact there are some things that are very close to being inexcusable..me saying thank you, is one of those very things.

A few months ago I took a trip that changed the course of my life forever. I'm still sifting through all that was my Kenya trip. My trip has sent me into a bit of a tailspin.. changing my way of thinking, radically forever.

There are just so many layers to my experience, one day I hope to be able to tell the entire story..but today it's not about me..it's about a few pretty dang special peeps that helped me dream big and make big dreams come true.

No biggie.

Let's start with Andrew, he dabbles a little bit in graphic design. So I shot him an email that went something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm going with a small group to Kenya..we are building a school, we want to sell T's to raise some cash..will you design it for me?? (Um for free..of course) Then he came up with this..

and it kinda rocked our world.

A few of my friends bought t's..a few of my kiddo's teachers did too. Then people started asking..they got popular and we sold lots. It was awesome.

Thank You Andrew. You gave us momentum. (and I will be in touch soon about another project..Um for free..of course)

Then some of our dearest friends John and Jill gave me $$. I never asked for it, but it came regardless..the card that accompanied it still hangs right above my computer. I think about the cash, but I see the card every single day.."be a light, shining in darkness.." Words for me to live by, everyday. Thank You John and Jill for your prayers and support, it gave me courage to pursue my dream.

Dear sweet Tippy. Patricia of Tippy Stockton fame sent along a HUGE amount of beads she no longer had use for. A majority of them went to these two sweeties.

They were a few of my favorites. They come from families that cannot afford to send them to high school (secondary school) so instead they are attending a trade school that is run through one of the local churches. They are learning to be seamstresses. This will give them a skill to earn money, hopefully become more self sufficient and in turn create a better life for themselves and their families.

Here is the current facility..

No power so they use old treadle machines, every night they have to store the two machines in one of the local homes to prevent them from being stolen.

This room is also the one of the churches storage rooms...

Everyday they walk MILES to attend school, it is a huge honor for them to be accepted into this school, and they very much treat it as such. At 14 and 19 they have known more heartache than girls this sweet should EVER have to know.

We had fun together, they asked so many questions, wondered why I did not learn Swahilli before I came and mostly wanted to know about my two 14 year old sons. :-D

I could not think of two more deserving girls.

Patricia..what you thought was a small gesture just might have been the biggest thing to have ever happen to them. Let that one sink in for a moment. Thank You.

Wes and Antonya. Wow.

I'm pretty sure when they gave me money they did not realize (I did not either!) the implications of the gift. They only had one stipulation with it.

"Amber, take it, and please give it where you see fit.. identify the need and meet it." was their only request.

At first, that request in and of itself was a little daunting. There are so many needs in the village, I hardly knew where to start.

When I met Mr. Elijah, everything fell into place, I knew that I had found my need.

I can't explain it really..but we very much hit it off right at the start. We found ourselves walking along the village road together and he told me his story..it moved me deeply. Born and raised in Mulundi, he had lost his father at a very young age and now at 19 he himself was solely responsible for his mother, brother, sister-in-law and a cousin (who had lost his father to HIV).

He handled his burden with such grace, humility and wisdom. Far beyond his 19 years.

Me and Mr. Elijah's family..From L-R His younger brother, Me ,(not sure what was up with the squeeze smile) Mr. Elijah (rockin Andrew's T shirt!!), his sweet Mother and Sister in law on the end. This was taken in front of their home.

This was taken inside their home, they invited us for breakfast on the day we left, if you notice Mom, sister and Elijah are putting a hen in a plastic bag for us to take on our journey..Kate and I had to stifle the giggles..it was pretty flipping funny.

I told Janet that I had found my need, she went right to work on trying to find a way to best help him. We found out that Elijah had already passed his exams to get into university but was unable to go because of the financial responsibilities to his family. Mostly he was paying for his nephew to attend high school. Then Janet posed the question..

"Amber, maybe you would want to pay for the nephew's schooling, to free up Elijah for university?"

And then we made it happen...and let me tell you..I felt a little like Santa Clause..or maybe Oprah on the big give-away show. It was freaking AMAZING.

Every single time I tell the story I cry. Everybody cries when I tell the story. I cry every-time I get an email for Elijah..yes he sends me emails..it's just the best stinking thing ever.

He is there. He is already at University. Here he is on his first day. (try not too cry)

Wes and Antonya, I'm sure you did not realize the enormous impact your gift would have, I sure didn't, but it did. You changed a life with that gift..and I'm not just saying that either..you really really did. Today a young man, the first in his family, is attending University because of you. Thank You from the very deepest part of my heart. You both are some of the most generous people I have ever know.

It was pretty cool when I sat down and told them the story, the first words out of their mouths were..

"Well, we need to figure out how to get him here to visit, he is family now after all."

Amazing.

So here is my feeble attempt at putting words to something my heart still feels so blissed out over. There are times my words seem inadequate in comparison to how my heart is feeling and this is very much one of those times.

My only hope is that I can continue the circle, because really, only a few other things in my life have ever felt so right.

You blessed me big.

The List... School's out! (almost)

2011-06-20T06:00:00.001-07:00

Before Justin came along and stole our hearts..HSM ruled the roost. Why not start your summer off with a jazzy musical number??!!!

10. I know it sounds crazy, but I really do miss my kiddos when they are gone all day. Of course after they are home for about 45 minutes, I have a very strong desire to knock back about 3/4 of a bottle of cabernet..but really I do miss em..promise.

9. Sleeping in. Oh for the love of pete..I can't wait to sleep in.

8. The mean Mom's. Wish I could say I'm going to miss you for the next few months..but I'm not. (I'm sure the feeling is mutual..they are the mean ones after all)(but I guess that makes me mean too)(but not as mean as them)(for the record).

7. The beach , the beach, the beach. I take the kiddos to a small beachy spot all summer long. It's not really much to write home about as far as beaches go..oh but the waves, salt air and gentle breeze. I'm 100 percent convinced that there is healing properties in salt air.

6. No homework, projects, or my favorite.."Mom!! I need to start this 345 page report tonight and it is due TOMORROW!!"

5. I absolutely HATE making my kid's lunches, but I do it anyways..everysingleday. I can't wait to look over from my Austen novel and say.."Make your own dang sandwhich!" (it's the little things people)

4. Keeping up with my children's social/sports/activities calendar is seriously like a full time job. These are the little things that people FAIL to tell you when you say.."Oh, I want a BIG family!" (don't EVEN get me started on parties/trophies & snack schedules!) We are sooo ready for some down time.

3. Our large more formal dining room table always looks like a school aged child's backpack exploded on it. Crayons, english papers, books ect.. It's a mess, I clean it constantly, but yet it's always a mess.. makes me crazy. Maybe this summer things will get uber crazy around here and we will actually EAT off of it!!

2. The pressure. There is always a underlined tension when the kiddos are in school. I don't think it's always bad..but it's just there. I kinda have a checklist in my mind going all of the time. I think my brain needs a break.

1. For the record I AM sad that this year is ending. It has been one of the best school years ever for the Strehle family!! I love the kiddo's schools, teachers and it seems we have really (finally) settled in here in Snoho.

Now if the sun would just flipping shine, we could get on with this whole summer gig..seriously.

The next step..

2011-06-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

So I asked her.."What now??"

She did not answer me, she only flashed me that mischievous smile.

Oh to have the faith of that 11 year old girl again. To not worry about my boots getting wet, where (exactly) my current path may lead, keeping my back to the shore..eyes on the horizon.

It's almost like she has faith in the mis-step.. you know, faith in the failure.

Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.
Abraham Lincoln

Talking too much and looking stupid..in that order.

2011-06-08T11:48:00.001-07:00

In this newly discovered world of social media, time after time we have been taught one thing..

NO MISTAKES.

Meaning..umm don't accidently tweet a picture of your wiener to your followers..fortheloveofpete make sure you are sending it via private message (if your the type of person that sends those kind of pictures..to someone other than your spouse..if your married..married or not..YUCK!)

A few weeks ago I had an iphone tweet failure. Apple's glorious spell check messed with my tweet resulting in something along the lines of..

"men in super skinny jeans are super sexy." what I meant to tweet was...

"I will be glad when men's super skinny jeans are no longer in style."

I hit the send button the second I noticed what it really said..too late. All whopping 54 followers of my twitter account got a tweet about Amber thinking men in skinny jeans are sexy.

Mind you, it really was not that big of a deal and of course my BFF's (the peeps who actually know who I am) thought it was down right HIlarious.

One of our worst fears as human beings is looking stupid. We hate it. I hate it.

For some people living in the world of social media is awesome..if you are careful enough you can totally make yourself out to be the perfect person one tweet, status update and blog post at a time.

But then there is this thing called real life...and I hate to break it to ya, but we can't control it. There is no script. I think it freaks some people out. Emotion. Reality. It's messy, cheesy, very uncool looking..at times it can be just down right unsettling.

Last night I sat through a 90 minute play put on by the 8th grade drama class at the kiddos school. My twin boys totally NAILED their performances. They were amazing. Yes I'm their Mom, so I'm just a little bit biased.

I cried at the ending. Ugly cry. I was a little bit of a mess. I kinda have been doing that lately.

Hormones? Maybe.

Afterwards I found the director..and let me tell you dear reader I gushed...like I
WENT ON AND ON AND ON AND ON about the performance (not just my boys), about all the hard work, dedication, the drama department, crying, thank you, thank you, thank you.

A little much? Maybe. Did I look a little stupid? I'm pretty sure I did. But here is the kicker peeps..

Did I mean every single word? Absolutely.

It was not scripted, eloquent, or even particularly witty. I verbally spoke words from my heart..in the moment..which is very dangerous..almost risky..very vulnerable...but oh so liberating!

I looked stupid and I'm not ashamed of it! (ok mostly)

We are losing this part of the human connection, we are afraid to show emotion, of not having a popular blog, of REAL and UNSCRIPTED, of a tweet that might fall flat..

Today dear reader, I challenge you..be vulnerable, tell that person you love them, tell that person you are thankful for them, make the phone call, make the coffee date, physically speak some sloppy stupid words into a persons life.

I promise you..looking stupid has never felt so good.

A little bit of beauty on a Friday.

2011-06-03T10:18:00.012-07:00

I saw this video here...
(one of my FAVORITE design blogs, they have a little bit of everything)

This is a BREATHTAKING video..never had a strong desire to travel to India..this might have changed that.

Which reminded me that I had purchased a couple of Indian Art Blocks back in AZ..then I was a inspired to set up a little vignette..which resulted in these.

Love me some inspiration!

Happy Friday sweet peeps!

Now go outside!!

Mommy Mondays

2011-05-31T10:33:00.007-07:00

I first met Jennifer through the very infamous Timi! She is a fellow photographer and creative. Via facebook (of course!) we have gotten to know one another a little bit better, and has helped answer MANY a crazy question..in fact now that I think about it, she really has put up with a lot of my rambling crazies!! hahaha! She is wife to Philip and mommy to Natalie a sweet 7.5 year old. Jennifer and Philip adopted Natalie at the age of 10 months in 2004 from China.

I'm just as clueless as my readers for once!! I don't know you very well so let's start from the beginning.. what led you to adoption, how old were you, how long had you been married..you know all the good stuff!

First off, thank you Amber for thinking of us. I love to talk about our adoption story. It has been the greatest blessing of our lives!

Phil and I were married in 1998. He was 27 and I was 30 at the time. We knew we had a few years to enjoy being married but didn’t want to wait too long before starting our family. From our earliest discussions about children, we were clear on the fact that we wanted them. I had always known I wanted to adopt at some point and Phil was open to it as well. I have always felt that there are too many unwanted children in the world and questioned if I really needed to bring any more children into the world when there were already so many who needed love.

After about a year and a half of trying to conceive, and no result, we began to talk about adoption. I wanted to adopt internationally because I felt that those children were ones that needed the most help. I started off looking into adopting from Estonia and/or Japan because both Phil and I have lived abroad in those countries and understand their cultures and speak the languages. It became clear pretty quickly that those countries probably wouldn’t work out because not many foreigners adopt from there. Unfortunately, there is much corruption in both the international and domestic adoption realm—human/child trafficking, corrupt people, etc.—so I wanted to find a program that was stable and had a system of checks and balances. I prayed quite a bit during this time for guidance. I knew that God had a plan for us and would lead us to where we were needed.

I was at the Northwest Women’s Show and came across an organization called American’s Adopting Orphans. We met with the owners of AAO several times to talk about the process, our concerns, their credentials, etc. and it all just felt right. After much prayers, talking to others who had adopted from China and through AAO etc., we decided to take a leap of faith and signed up with their organization in June of 2003.

Once you had decided you were going to move forward with that decision how long did it take?

Once I decide something, I am on it! It is quite the process, let me tell you. We always joked throughout it, that if all parents had to go through that same process, there would be far less children in the world. We had to get many letters of recommendation, go through police and FBI checks, have several home-studies completed, fill out volumes of application paperwork for both the US and China, attend parenting classes and classes on adoption, get medically cleared, and so forth.

We sent our final document off to the Chinese consulate in September of 2003. Interestingly, we did this on our way for a two-week driving trip to California. We stopped in Olympia for a few notary items and then put everything into an envelope for the consulate and headed off on our trip. All the while on the trip, I kept telling Phil that I felt our child and knew that he or she was somewhere in the world now. I hadn’t any feelings about this prior to that and I was feeling it pretty strongly. So much so, that I had to buy a souvenir for the baby on that trip (a little stuffed frog - and Natalie’s nickname by her grandpa is coincidentally now frog.) Phil thought I was feeling this way just because it had seemed more real then since things were progressing forward with our paperwork. I just knew it was more than that. Call it mother’s intuition... Natalie was born during that time we were on our trip!

Our official dossier was logged-in to the China Center for Adoption Affairs in November of 2003. At the time, there was a predictability to the process. We were able to keep track, via lots of waiting family groups and blogs, about the process and when to expect our referral. Each month, China would send out a note about the dates of logged-in dossiers they had processed and who had received referrals. We knew that, barring another SARS outbreak, we would move through the process in about 9 months to a year.

So tell me about when you found out about Natalie.

In June 2004, we knew that we would be receiving our referral soon. The referral is when you receive a picture and information about the child selected for you. You fill out an entire profile about yourself and the Chinese government somehow matches a child up with you that they think best matches your family.

Ladybugs are symbolic in the Chinese adoption community as a sign of good luck. The night before we received our referral, Phil was reading outside and a ladybug landed on his book. He called me out to look at it and I told him it was a sign that we were going to get our referral soon. The very next day (I’m not joking!), I was at work and got a call from our adoption agency. Cindy, one of the owners, asked “are you sitting down?” My heart started racing and I started to cry. She said “I’m looking at the picture of your new baby daughter.” I started screaming and all of my co-workers were jumping up and down. This child and that adoption process was an event for our family and all those who knew us. She has to have been THE most anticipated and THE most wanted child ever! There were congratulations around, a call to Phil at work and lots of tears.

We somehow made it through the rest of the day. I don’t think either of us did any work. We also somehow drove to the agency, though neither of us could tell you how we got there. I do remember walking through the door and thinking “my life will be forever changed from this moment on...” Cindy was smiling and asked “are you ready?” Then we opened the folder and saw this smiling, adorable, sweet little baby girl staring back at us. She was 9 months old at the time and had these long sideburns of hair and not so much on top. I remember saying she looked like a little old Chinese man. Ha! She was adorable and we couldn’t have been more proud.

We left there and went to a Bartell’s to make photos and then drove all over the place to show all the aunties, grandmas and grandpas, friends, and pass out photos. I couldn’t stop looking at her and reading about her. Apparently, she was quiet (how quickly that chaged...)liked music and nature. How they could tell this at that age, I do not know? Then began the worry. I think it is a worry that all parents identify with. I don’t know if it will ever end? It was awful! I now had a picture and a little face to worry about every day. Was she ok? Was she being taken care of? Was she getting enough to eat? Was she being comforted. Oh, it was agony! At least I had lots to keep my mind occupied as we had to then start getting things ready for her. I had known that we would most likely be referred a daughter, but I didn’t know her age or what else to expect so didn’t really do much to shopping or anything prior to getting her referral. From that moment on, it was baby planning central.

We had to wait for all of the other families in our travel group to return their dossiers and accept their referral. Once all of those were received, there were sent off to China and we had to wait again for travel dates. We finally got word at the beginning of July that we would travel in about two weeks time so then went into travel planning mode. It was crazy!

I can't even imagine the anticipation of it!! So much goes into making everything happen, you were both just out of your mind?

Yes, we were out of our minds! Like I said, I was filled with excitement but also, worried everyday about her and for her safety. Thankfully, there was much to do to prepare for her and for our travel to China. I had no idea what to pack or plan for. At least when you are pregnant and give birth, you know how to plan. You know that you will have a newborn, what they can eat, what they will wear, etc. I really had no idea so had to pack a wide variety of things. We had 3 suitcases full of different sized clothing, different formulas and foods, toys, diapers, etc. It was a bit overwhelming. It was also very joyous and just an exciting time in our lives.

After everything..tell me about your first real meeting...

We went to China a few days ahead of our scheduled adoption day so that we could get rested and acclimated to the time change. It was hard to be there and know I was so much closer to her but still couldn’t see her. We traveled with 5 other families who were adopting from the same orphanage. The night before we got to meet the kids, we all had dinner together and toasted each other, our daughters, and our new lives together. There was much laughter, joy and anticipation! I hardly slept because I was too excited. As a kid growing up, I never was able to sleep before Christmas, my birthday or any event I was excited about and I almost always made myself sick with the anticipation of it. Well, it is no different now that I’m an adult. I hardly slept and felt sick that morning because I was so overwhelmed with anticipation. I packed and repacked the bag to bring to the meeting and triple and quadruple checked that I had everything. Finally, it was time to get on that darn bus and go to the city building to meet our daughter.

From then on, it was so surreal. We entered a room and had to fill out more paperwork. I just kept thinking about all we had gone through to get to that point. I was filling out more paperwork and then we heard cries as the babies entered the building. My heart stopped as I saw the babies go by and enter another room. I caught a glimpse of Natalie and breathed a sigh of relief. About 5-10 more minutes go by as everyone is getting prepared and then one by one, they start bringing in the babies. The orphanage director asked “who is the parent of this child” and each family took turns going up to meet their daughter. Natalie was the 4th to come in. They brought her in and Phil and I jumped up. They asked who her parents were, we replied with our names and they placed her in my arms. I remember looking at her and she looked back at me. She touched my hair and I started to cry. This made her cry so I had to stop. I kept reminding myself that while this was a happy and joyous event, especially from our perspective, this was an overwhelming and potentially terrifying event for the girls. I just held her and patted her back and spoke softly to her. She kept looking at Phil and I with her big, brown eyes. I got out a little toy bee rattler that I had brought and she loved that. We visited with her nanny and got more information about her likes, what she liked to eat, what her abilities were, etc. Natalie went back to her nanny but kept looking at Phil and I to see what we were doing. We were playing a game with her and her little bee. Then she reached out for me and I knew we were going to be ok. She fell asleep in my arms and we went back to the hotel. It was so strange to have woken up that morning and left the hotel as a couple and then come home a few hours later as a family.

So after all the waiting, everything that had led up to those moments..then bam you are back on a plane home as parents..what were your first thoughts??

We were in China for another week or week and a half going through doctor visits, touring, a swearing-in ceremony at the embassy, etc. We had a funny visit to the zoo with the girls where they were more interested in the trees and grass than the animals and our group of Caucasian parents with Asian daughters was quite the attraction for the local Chinese people. Everywhere we went, people followed us around and told us “Thank you.” It was strange. I was the one who wanted to thank them. In as much as I wanted to help children via adoption, I still wanted to have the experience of raising a child and the only way that was possible was through adoption.

As we left on the plane, which was full of families who had been on an adoption trip of their own, I remember crying. I was sad for what it meant for all of the birth families that, for whatever reason, had relinquished their children and what that would mean for both them and for our daughters as time went on. I cried for Natalie and her birth culture that she would never fully understand being raised a world away. I cried for Natalie’s birth mother and said a word of thanks to her for caring enough to make sure she would have a better life. I think there is much misunderstanding about Chinese people and giving up their children. It is illegal for many to have more than one child unless they can pay very high, unaffordable taxes to have more than one. It is also illegal for them to place their children for adoption. Due to this, quite often, it used to be that—because of the cultural preference for boys (this is due to the fact that girls grow up and leave their birth families when they get married. The boys stay and take care of their aging parents)—girl babies were aborted or left to die because there were no other choices for families. I still hear things like “Chinese people hate their girls,” which just isn’t true. Families have gone to great risks to give birth to their girls and then place them in a public place where they can quickly and safely be found and brought to an orphanage. Fortunately, policies are changing in Chinese culture and they realize now that they went about their population control the wrong way. Changes are being made and great strides are being taken in working to keep children with their families. Obviously, there is still room for much improvement, but it is a start.

As I left on the plane I also cried tears of joy as well for what lie ahed of us and for our family. I knew that there were very many anxious and excited cousins, aunts, uncles, friends and grandparents ready and waiting at home to surround this child with love.

Talk to me about some of the hard parts...

The whole process we had to go through to be able to adopt was daunting. Since then, the bonding issues have been hard, but they have come full circle and we have a very strong and close relationship thankfully today. It was hard in the middle of it wondering if my daughter would ever trust me. I read lots of books, we saw an attachment professional, etc. I knew that it would just take time and consistency in being there for her and giving her what she needed to be able to trust us.

Now, the hard parts are dealing with the questions about her adoption. She is reaching the age of reason and each new developmental milestone raises new questions about her adoption and why she adopted, etc. I can see her working through things and the questions she has. I know she needs to process it all, and I help her through it, but it is difficult to watch someone you love go through that type of pain. When she says things like “I wish I came out of your tummy” it makes my heart break. I tell her I wish that too. Not because that would change anything about how I feel about her, but for her sake and her feelings about her worthiness as person. I hate that I don’t have her birth story to tell her. I do have her adoption story though and she LOVES hearing it and how very much we all were excited and how very much she was wanted in this family.

Talk to me about some of the amazing parts..

If you don’t believe in God, you will after completing an adoption. I have always believed, but this process just brought it to 100% certainty that there is a God and he has a plan for all of us. I know, without a shadow of doubt, that we were meant to go through the adoption process, that this child was meant to be in my life and I was meant to raise her. The joy she has brought to our family is beyond measure. She is truly a gift from above and I’m am reminded how blessed I am every day to hear “I love you mommy” from this dear, sweet child.

We have an incredible support network of friends who have adopted from China. The local resources for international adoption are amazing and we have made lifelong friendships from having gone through this process. That was really an unexpected part of the whole thing. Natalie has a core group of girls that she can turn to at anytime that understand exactly what she is feeling and thinking and going through as it relates to being a Chinese-American girl adopted from China.

Another amazing part is the whole nature vs. nurture aspect. It is so interesting to see how she identifies so strongly with different parts of Phil’s and my personality. Everything from her interests, to her skills and abilities, to how she reacts to something exactly as we do is truly fascinating. Someone just commented the other day how much she looks and acts like us. She really does look like my husband at least.

Beyond that is just being a mother. Nothing in life really prepares you for it. It is a great blessing as well as one of the most trying and best learning experiences of my life. It certainly has created a deeper respect for my parents and what they went through to raise my sister and I. I think becoming a parent is when you really learn what the term unconditional love means. (AMEN!!!)

Ok fun question time..if you could invite ANY 3 peeps over to dinner who would it be..(dead or alive)

Hmm... good question! I don’t think I can narrow it to 3 though. I would love to meet Oprah. I think she is an amazing woman and has great insight into life. It would be really interesting to meet her and fun to have her over for dinner. Walt Disney would be another person I would love to meet. He was a true creative visionary and I think it would be fascinating to hear what he thinks about the where his vision has gone and what he thinks about the state of affairs in the world today. So many other great visionary and creative people to invite over!

I do have to bring it to 4 peeps for dinner though because I would love to have both my grandma and grandpa over to meet my family. They passed away when I was in high-school. They were married for over 50 years and were the most loving, wonderful people in the world you could ever meet. Together, they had 16 children and numerous nieces, nephews and grandchildren. I think my generation of the grandchildren totals around 49. You never would have known it. They had the ability to make each one of us feel as though we were their only grandchild and extremely special. They were at all of our important events, always had kind words and big hugs for us and were so very special. I would love for them to be able to meet my husband and daughter. I know they would have loved the whole adoption process and finally meeting Natalie.

Cha cha changes..

2011-05-29T11:00:00.002-07:00

via

The Dish always says, "it comes in three's". (as in major upheavals in life..changes)

Last night I was dealt the third, this plunged me into deep thought about how quickly our lives can change.

30 years ago, many people retired from the same place they had worked for over 20 years. Children and grandchildren lived across town from one another. Only seasoned pro's could start that successful business.. and facebook??? What the heck is a computer??

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little reluctant to some of the change I see coming my way. I have my heels dug in a bit.

I'm leaving marks as time is

ruthlessly pulling me forward.

Dragging my feet.

There are MANY problems associated dragging your feet syndrome..or as I like to call it..focusing on the past..what was.
(not to mention the HEAVY fashion implications)

-You get a killer crick in your neck.
-You miss everything on the horizon. Always watching the sun set, never seeing it rise.
-Living in the momement..hahahaha..naw I'm just going to sit here and be wistful about what was.
-Embracing the place you are. Right. At. This. Very. Moment.
-Growing Up.
-Potential...The potential of what?? How about the potential of WHATEVER MAY COME!! We all have so much untapped potential..why oh why do we waste it on FEAR.
-Living out your story. We all have one, what a bummer it would be for it to end prematurely..to stay stuck in the exact same place for the rest of our days here on earth. Super big bummer.

Life moves forward regardless of my acceptance of the changes set before me.

Once again, I'm confronted with the power of our personal choices..as in faith, grace, love, change..what will I choose??

Choose to love? Choose to believe? Choose to accept grace? Choose to embrace the change??

Hard choices, but mine all mine, none the less.

I think a visit to the chiropractor is in order..I need a little work done on that crick in my neck.

**Mommy Monday will post on Tuesday..sheeeeesh people, can't I have a day off??**

The List (because it's been a while)

2011-05-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

Straight out of camera..food on his face and all. Yes the sun flare through the trees is over done..but I'm in love with this (growing) boy and with this picture:)

10. I have drastically downsized my personal blog list. It's amazing how much my tastes have changed over this past year, how much I have found does NOT really inspire me..but rather..bring me down.

9. Oh my this has been a positively AWFUL spring..seriously enough with the rain already.

8. ROAD TRIP!! Smoking hot mini-van..6 equally smoking hot Strehle's..one destination..

Scenic NEBRASKA!!! (oh you are jealous right now...just admit it)

So I went ahead and googled.."famous landmarks in Nebraska" I came away with such gems as..

Chimney Rock..or as I call it, weird phallic symbol rock. AND

The always funny.."Honey I'm home" landmark.

And..

A REAL corn PALACE!!! YEE DOGGIES!!..a MUST stop destination for the 2011 Strehle Christmas card photo.

Lastly..

Daniel Craig..oh wait, he is not in Nebraska, bummer.

7. I go through these phases of not being able to stomach the news..this is one of those phases. Too much dang sadness.

6. I'm not going to Farm Chicks this year..hard decision..but mi familia needs me present right now, another weekend away from them seems like a little too much. The biggest bummer of it all is missing so many of my peeps. Farm Chicks is kinda like a big big junky hug.

5. I watched this full documentary this week..AMAZING. Here is just a quick highlighted version that I found. If you are photog, go watch it.

4. Lazy summer days cannot get here fast enough.

3. On that note we have had a pretty dang AWESOME school year. Love my kiddos school.

2. I'm working on a facebook fan page for the group I traveled to Kenya with, cannot WAIT to bring more attention to the work being done there!!!

1. Mommy Mondays have TOTALLY rocked my world this year!! WOW!!! I am just in love with all of my mommies and all the support out in my little blogasphere. I have already had a few emails about leads for next year which is sooooo cool!! I have not really meant to not post (other than mommy posts) much during this month, but it has just kinda worked out that way. I love it when things just kinda work themselves out..LOVE it.

Love you. Love this blog. Love being surrounded by so many amazing peeps. Am I using the word love to much?? Maybe, but I know you love me anyway:)

Mommy Mondays

2011-05-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

Many of you know Heather Simon from my photography blog. She is wife to Chad and mommy to Wyatt, Wade and Sienna. Just a little bit over a year ago she gave birth to Wade and Sienna, boy/girl twins. She had a pretty intense pregnancy and she has very graciously agreed to chat with me about it!! yay!

Girl! Thanks so much for doing this!

You are so so welcome! Anything for you and I actually do love talking about this.

If I remember correctly I received a message on facebook from you with something along the lines of "Hey, it's Heather and we just found out we are having twins..I need to talk!" hahaha:) Talk to me a little bit about finding out you were having twins, were you expecting them, trying??

Well, we were trying and later expecting “A” baby. We always knew we wanted two kids so when the time was right we started trying and {as with my first pregnancy, *Wyatt*} it didn’t take long. Everything felt fine other than the fact that I was getting bigger faster this time. I saw my doc at 13 weeks and the appointment went as expected. She found the heartbeat right away, answered my questions and off I went. Somewhere between 15 and 16 weeks I went in to get some blood work done. I decided to get all the genetic testing done as well since they were already drawing blood. A few days later I got a call from the doctor office asking me to come in for “genetic counseling”. WHAT in the world did THAT mean? Chad and I both began to panic. They told us that the “numbers were abnormally high” for Spina Bifida. I didn’t even know what that was or what that meant. We immediately got online to dig up anything and everything we could find. Basically what we learned is that this news could mean anything between “nothing” and “life threatening debilitation's”. Aaahh, this was too much for me to wrap my head around so I tried to put it out of my mind and go to this counseling to find out EXACTLY what was going on with our baby. Chads work was spotty at the time and he ended up having to work the day of my appointment, he HAD to take the work when it was available. So I put on my brave girl undies and went by myself. After an HOUR of talking with a lady and almost a full box of tissues I was sent down for an ultrasound. My mind was spinning out of control with all this new found knowledge of Spina Bifida. I’m pretty sure it was about 10 hours later when she finally came in. As soon as she put the wand up to my belly she said in a rather shocked tone “Oh, there’s two”. TWO WHAT???? BABIES????? It felt like somebody had loaded me into a slingshot and hurled me from one world of terror to another! I started to get hysterical, this was more than I could handle. The technician said “I take it you didn’t know you were having twins?” I couldn’t even respond. She told me she needed to go let someone know because a twin scan takes longer. I tried to pull myself together so I could call Chad but my phone had no reception. So I just laid there sobbing until the tech came back. I had actually skimmed over something online about false positive Spina Bifida numbers being caused by twins but honestly that barely even registered as a possibility to us. She asked if I needed more time to collect myself or if I wanted her to keep going. “Keep going, keep going” was all I could say. By this time my thoughts went to “are THEY okay?”. She finished the scan, which took another 10 hours and told me that everything looked wonderful, I had two healthy happy babes in there. Then she asked if I wanted to know the sexes. “YES!” {I was having a very hard time thinking in terms of THEY and THEM}. She peeked around for a minute and told me that we were going to have one girl and one boy. Now, Chad still had no idea whether our baby was okay or not so I hugged the technician {she said all the right things and I loved her for that} took my ultrasound pictures and rushed outside to find reception. I decided I couldn’t tell him that kind of news on the phone so I called and told him everything was okay and that I found out what the sex was, I was coming to see him at work with the pictures. By the time I got there, he had deciphered the news from the tone of my voice. He already knew we were having twins! {That night is when I messaged you, I needed some expert advise, and proof that I could indeed survive two babies at once.}

So here you were going along, everything is good with the pregnancy, then one day you find yourself in the hospital aaaand you end up not leaving for quite some time.

So there we were…we had been assigned to the big guns, Maternal Fetal Medicine {MFM}. They specialize in high risk pregnancies. They also warned us that it was very likely that I would end up on bed rest, that most twin moms do. I had a toddler at home that just turned two and I would need to take care not to over exert myself. This is exactly what I thought I was doing. On December 22, 2009 {I was 24 weeks along} I left Wyatt with Grandma and headed out to my weekly checkup with MFM. The scan was great, both babies were doing very well. Then she checked my cervix and excused herself to go get the doctor, I knew it wasn’t good. The doctor came back and told me he was going to admit me to the hospital….WHAT?!! My cervix was dangerously short and I could go into labor any minute. “I can’t be admitted, I have a toddler at home, he needs me”. Again with the waterworks, I was sobbing listening to the doctor tell me that I couldn’t even go home to say goodbye, or get my stuff, or get the babies room ready, or do laundry…..or even walk myself over to the hospital. I called and told Chad the news through tears and blubbers. They loaded me into a wheelchair and pushed me through some bat caves {empty hallways so people wouldn’t see me so hysterical} over to my new home. I remember after the nurses gave me the tour and the rundown, just when I was starting to calm down a tad, one of them said “oh you poor thing, getting stuck in here right before Christmas”. I hadn’t even realized that I was going to MISS Christmas. So much for calming down. Chad came to see me right away, but I wasn’t ready to see Wyatt yet. I knew I would scare him to death with my hysterics, so he came the next day. It took me a few days to really come to grips with the situation. I had no other choice really. Every time I began to loose it and cry, I would start having contractions despite all the medication I was on to stop labor. It was time to bust out the brave girl undies again and buck up. They sent a neo-natologist over to talk with me who promptly told me he wasn’t going to sugar coat anything, that my babies would have a slim 14% chance of survival if I had them this early. The lives of our twins were at stake. I knew right then that I was going to do my darndest to keep these babies in my belly for as long as I possibly could.

Wow, in the hospital for 13 weeks, with a toddler at home. How did you cope? What range of emotions did you go through? Did you sooo miss your bed?? Did you sooo miss Wyatt??! (oh and Chad too!)

The ONLY reason I survived is because of the pure kindness and selflessness of our family and friends. I honestly don’t even know where to start with this one. My heart was more broken than it had ever been in my entire life. I’d never before missed anyone as much as I missed my little boy and my husband. I went through every kind of emotion you can think of. As the nurses warned me, it’s very much like the grieving process…..shock, guilt, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance. I was truly a mess despite my resolve to pull this off. Luckily Chad had a few weeks off of work so he could be home with Wyatt. Ironically, his last day was the day I was admitted. He was so brave for Wyatt and I. He assured me that he would take care of everything and not to worry. It’s not in my nature NOT to worry, but I knew he would make it work. Chad’s family brought me care packages of food, movies, jammies, games, craft supplies and even a computer. They all offered to do whatever we needed. In fact I didn’t miss Christmas after all. Chad’s aunt, sister and cousin hooked me up with Skype so I could be there for the festivities. Of course watching my little boy open his gifts via a webcam wasn’t quite as magical, but it was perfect for the situation and I was so incredibly grateful. Chad and Wyatt even came to stay the night with me Christmas Eve. Santa came to see Wyatt and he was so excited! Okay, if they could make Christmas work, we might just survive this after all. When it came time for Chad to go back to work, my mother-in-law {Lynn} was up at our house at 5am every morning to watch Wyatt. She packed him up and made the trek to come visit me nearly every single day. She did my laundry and who knows how many other chores. Who makes this kind of sacrifice? Who can make this kind of commitment and give up so much of themself? My amazing mother-in-law, THAT’S WHO!!! Seeing my son so often definitely made all the world of difference and that wouldn’t have happened without her. Another saving grace was my beloved calendar.

About two weeks in, my sister-in-law {Leah} made me a gorgeous calendar to track my progress. Every morning I woke up I got a little card to pin up. A way to celebrate each day that my babies were where they needed to be. The cards had various themes depending on the week. One week was riddles, another was inspiring bible verses, messages from friends and family etc. I never knew what I was going to get, kind of like an advent calendar. Attached to each card was a picture from my life, mostly Wyatt. I slowly got to build a collage along with a visual of my days of success {unborn babies}. At the anniversary of each week I also got a celebratory “prize”. Lunch or dinner from the outside world along with a movie or the comforting company of my sister-in-laws, two perfect hand made blankies for the babies from a friend, an in-room pedicure the list is endless. I also so looked forward to my weekly photo shoots with you. I knew I wouldn’t remember a lot of what was going on so when you offered to photo-log my journey I was beyond excited! Mostly though I looked forward to our mommy conversations. The generosity was endless, I will never be able to truly describe what this all meant to me. Visitors came almost daily, there were very few days when I had none. On those days I knitted, I got addicted to the “Knifty Knitter” and made a million baby beanies. Chads aunt even hooked me up with a blanket loom so I made each twin a blanket. Then Chads aunts and grandmother connected them and finished them off for me. They are beautiful! My other sister-in-law {Trisha} turned me on to Kiefer Sutherlands “24”. I was instantly hooked and watched from season 1 all the way through season 7! I also journaled, which I didn’t start until two weeks in {wish I would have started on day 1}. The nurses were wonderful as well, I definitely got close to my favorites and looked forward to their shifts. All of this {and much much more} kept me sane, kept me busy, and most of all kept me pregnant!

Tell me something positive about your stay, something that you very much gained from it. (ok this is my FAVORITE answer of the interview!)

Wow, what did I NOT gain from this….two beautiful, healthy happy twins {wasn’t that what all this was about?}. I gained deeper relationships with my loved ones that took the time to come sit with me when I was trapped. I now understand what it’s like to be there for someone else {like others were for me}. I’ve spent my life worrying about calling at the wrong time, saying the wrong thing, having the wrong reaction etc. But now I strive to be like everyone that was there for me. It’s okay to just “be there”, to let someone know that you are thinking of them or hurting with them. I’ve always been so afraid of making bad situations even worse for others that I end up not being there for them at all. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I gained an appreciation for my husband that I would not otherwise had an opportunity to do. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I felt my world get a lot snugglier.

Your birth was beautiful, suddenly you are faced with returning home and TWO additions to the family. As if coming home with twins is not enough you come home for the first time in months! Was the transition back home hard?

Oh my, yes. The first year with the twins was the hardest of our lives so far. Not only did I have two needy infants, I had a toddler who was getting his mommy back {finally} but not really, you know? It was so weird to return home. I was overwhelmed with joy just to walk through the door. It was what I was dreaming about every day for the past three months. I was weak physically and knew I was about to go from slug to cheetah. How can we possibly do this, I couldn’t even walk up the stairs without somebody spotting me! Once again, Lynn came to the rescue. She was with me every single day Chad was at work for the first 6 months. I’m convinced she’s my guardian angel. There were days when I didn’t have time to eat or brush my teeth. She kept me together when I lost it, which was quite often. I would never have survived without her love and support.

Soo fun question..

No objections to money and 7 days..what would you do??

I’ve been racking my brain trying to answer this question as honestly as possible. I keep coming back to something that Lynn and I have daydreamed a little bit about. A big ol’ family trip to Hawaii. With all the siblings and their kids. I just think it would be heaven watching my 3 little water babies and the cousins have the time of their lives in the ocean. Maybe a romantic dinner or two with my husband. And fun with the whole family. I’m a sun girl and that always seems to be when everyone else comes alive too. So that’s what I’m going with! Hawaii.

Afterthought…

This was a lot harder than I expected, trying to get everything in here I wanted to share. There’s so much more to the story but this is what spilled out. Today it seems like such a dream to have experienced such craziness but what it all comes down to is trusting that GOD has a plan and you just have to be patient and appreciate the life you have with your loved ones.

Mommy Mondays

2011-05-16T06:00:00.001-07:00

**This week for Mommy Monday I planned to interview myself (insert narcissism here) ok not really interview..but tell you a little story about my weekend. Next week we resume with interviews from Mothers who are not me (see I'm generous) (yes I have had this planned all along)(in case you were wondering)(but you were not)(there is that narcissism again)**

As women I believe many of us have bought into a lie.

A lie about beauty, being Mothers, women..attaining perfection.
At some point in each and every one of our lives we have believed it.

Maybe it was when you read that first Cosmo article at a young impressionable age that promised..

"AMAZING SEX EVERY SINGLE TIME!!"

Or the first time you saw your favorite movie star, 2 days post baby looking like a million bucks.

On Saturday I spent the day with 20 remarkable women. Women who posses a strength that comes only from knowing extreme adversity.

Women who have been victims of domestic violence.

For a few hours every year the YWCA in Spokane host a "Day of Beauty". Ladies are able to come in for a few hours of pampering, hair, make-up, nails and finally a photo (that is where I come in). It's a pretty awesome day. This year I walked away with some very strong emotions, mostly about the idea of our self worth as women.

Many of these ladies struggle with the idea of being worth something, really worth anything. They have bought into the lie. Many had not had their picture taken EVER, or very long ago. Who would they give it to? Why would anyone want a picture of me? Were just a few of the comments I heard.

They did not believe me when I told them they were beautiful..they had amazing smiles, glowing skin and pretty eyes.

One lady lifted her shirt to show us the bruises...she was new to the shelter, "I've only just come here, I'm hoping they can help me get back on my feet." My stomach churned with anger, fear and deep sadness.

I watched as they sat down..battling insecurity, battling the past, battling every negative horrible thing she had ever been told. My heart broke.

Then peeps, I got a little angry at us women. Ladies, I have a something to tell you...

God did not make a mistake when you were knit in your mother's womb.

Those thunder thighs? Not a mistake. Eyes too close together? Perfect.
My double chin??**sigh** Thanks a lot God, I really could have gone without that one.

I'm tired of the lie, tired of all the comparisons. The movie star in the magazine only looks that way for one reason..

Adobe Photoshop.

Because the reality is..the sex is not always amazing, and 2 days post baby I looked a little like the lady from the movie The Exorcist. (google it, it's UBER scary) I spend more time with my hands in dirty dish water than at a salon, the last time I shaved my legs was in a month that ended with "er", I eat too much when I'm upset (insert a mental picture of Amber shoveling chips down her gullet at rapid rates) and sometimes at night I cannot wait for my children to GET TO BED ALREADY!!

I met a lady on Saturday who was legally blind in one eye, her eyes did not track in the same directions..she was refreshingly honest and frank with me as we discussed the best way to capture her portrait. The thing is..when she smiled, both her eyes tracked the same direction..or at least it looked like they did.

It moved me, tears pricked and I saw the woman she once was in her eyes.

For those few moments she forgot about the lie, she knew she was beautiful, worth something, special, unique, not a mistake...fearfully and wonderfully made.

Really dear reader, there is not much that can compare to that kind of beauty.

One of my favorites from the day..NOT retouched.

I before E except after C (and sometimes Y)

2011-05-11T09:56:00.001-07:00

If you were a child of the 80's you might remember the Tootsie Pop commercials..

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop??" Asked the deep voiced narrator.

"The world may never know." Was his own dramatic response.

When I get an idea for a blog post I see myself a bit like the wise owl. Me, sitting on my perch in blog land with a fancy hat (ok, really I'm sitting in a broken IKEA chair, wearing Sponge Bob pajama pants and a child's knitted cap) thinking myself very clever.

I sit down to write with the very best intellectual intentions..

I will for once in my life make no spelling errors.

Correct grammar

I will spell alot the correct way, a lot. Figure out the whole you're vs. your thing.

I won't use too many dot dot dots (......)

And I will re read the dang post like 55 MILLION times to make sure that it actually makes sense..you know..flows and all.

Then I start licking, I mean writing.

It feels good. It makes my heart beat faster, my fingers fly over the slick Mac keyboard and I unload a pretty big piece of my soul.

By the end I really could care less about how many licks it's going to take, I just want to get to that sweet chocolaty middle.

Hitting the publish post button.

I try and correct it, really I do. I have good intentions. I'm a pretty smart lady. After I have read it over 5 thousand times, all the words starttoruntogether and I'm just so so so focused on the prize in the middle, everything else does not matter.

So please dear reader (and any book publishers out there), forgive my grammar/spelling/use of not real words and too many dot dot dot (...) errors.

You think the wise owl was impatient?

I like to think of him as a creative genius that would not be held back by a sticky sweet jailer.

Mommy Mondays

2011-05-09T06:00:00.001-07:00

This week for Mommy Monday I'm interviewing my sis. (no tissue needed for this post)(I emotionally can't handle two tear jerker posts in a row!) Johnna is mommy to FIVE kiddos. Her and her hubs live in a sweet, modest home in Oregon. She has chosen to stay at home with her babes. Raising five kiddos on a good but not huge salary is not always the easiest thing to do, she rocks it, makes it look easy.

This week Johnna is going to let us in on one of her thrifty secrets, the oh-so hot trend of extreme couponing. Truthfully peeps, I have not bought into the the whole couponing thing, maybe she can convince us all:)

Tell me about how you got into this whole crazy coupon gig?

Last fall I noticed the cost of everything going up and not just food. My weekly Winco bill was about 30 dollars more than it had been previously and I was buying the same things. My Costco bill was insane! So I started to meal plan, that alone cut my food bill almost in half. I have a good friend that is a couponer, she would drag me out to get a few of the really good deals like 20 boxes of oatmeal for 5 bucks. Finally I called her up and said, "Okay I'm in. Where do I begin?" she took me under her wing and started teaching me the ropes. I'm very thankful for her.

Is it hard to do?

YES....at first. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around it. Honestly I never thought I would

understand it. The first month I called my friend a lot and asked her all sorts of stupid questions. There are several blogs out there that do the work for you but I wanted to learn without the blogs. It took many hours the first month but now... I'm a pro :)

What about embarrassing?? (of course I'm going to ask that!) The first time, were you like.. "I'm sorry I'm buying 134 boxes of cereal..here are my 134 coupons..don't stare!" Are people rude??

Embarrassing really? You're asking ME that :) I have done WAY more embarrassing things than handing a checker some coupons for cereal. I've never really cared what people thought of me and that's not always a good thing....

Mostly people are intrigued and ask how I do it.

Ok honestly..do you really save money? Is it worth all the hassle?

The first month you do not save money, in fact you spend more building your coupon stock. You run around from store to store and it's frustrating and it made me grumpy. This is not everyones experience, but it was mine. Thank God I had a friend to help me. Give yourself a chance to learn. Once it clicks and you figure out the couponing system that works best for you, you will save TONS of money.

What was your best deal EVER.

There are two that stick out in my mind, the first one was just last week.

55 bottles of Loreal vive pro. shampoo and conditioner for FREE! Retail they are about 3.50 each. Will I use that much shampoo and conditioner? YES! I have very long hair and 4 girls.

The other deal was a few months ago. I got...

9 bags of rold gold pretzels

2 loaves of wheat bread

9 boxes of hefty gallon freezer bags

9 cans of starkist tuna

5 boxes of healthy harvest whole wheat pasta

8 tubs of crescent rolls

5 boxes of fruity snacks

all for 5 dollars!

Some products I don't normally buy and some products truthfully are just plain bad for you. However I always have more than just my kids around the house, I can't afford to feed them all organic cheeses and sprouted crackers. So I buy what I call "filler food" for all the kiddos who are at my house....all the time :)

Ok, lets say you totally convinced me..where should I start? What do you do?

Start by buying a Sunday paper, lots of them!! I buy 5-10 papers each week depending on what coupons are coming.

EVERYONE who knows me knows that I am NOT a computer person. I have only 1 couponing site that I really LOVE, it's called Fabulessly Frugal. They post all the deals, their site is super easy to navigate and they have a killer DVD you can order to teach you the all the basics of couponing. I have it, I love it, if you REALLY want to get couponing order the DVD it will save you tons of time.

There are a lot of other sites out there, I just don't have the time to sit and check 10 different couponing sites.

What do you think about the new show on TV?? Does it make what you do easier or harder?

I have not seen the new TLC show because we don't have cable. (tv is bad for the brain) However, I did read that some of ladies on the show were being scandalous and using expired coupons and clearing shelves. This is bad coupon etiquette, those are the types of things that give couponers a bad name. Remember it is a TV show and things are not always as they seem.

I think because of the show and because food is getting so much more expensive, people will start to couponing and that will make the shelves clear out faster.

However it's a little like the roller derby recruiter told me,

"Many will try, few succeed."

I sucked at roller derby so now I'm a couponer.

Whoot! Whoot!!

Mommy Mondays

2011-05-02T06:00:00.002-07:00

Welcome!
Three years ago I stared a little tradition here on my blog of interviewing a few Mom's in honor of Mothers Day. Gotta tell ya, it's has slowly turned into one of my favorite things about my blog. This year's line up is JUST as amazing as the past!
I was all over the board this year and am super excited about the interviews. If you would like to look at past interviews just click on the year on the side bar and the month of May, they should all be listed under Mommy Monday.

When I sat down to write out this interview I realized how long I've known Nina..like for a super long time!! (for the sake of both of our ages..lets just say it's been over 20 years) We have never been super close, but our lives have always been connected by family and friends.

Nina currently lives in Virgina with her hubby Christian and two kiddos, Naomi and Caleb. They own Health and Wholeness wellness studio. Nina enjoys handing out punishment in the form of boot camps and something called pump classes ;-) She has always been one of those rare persons who brightens up a room just by walking in, she truly is beautiful inside and out.

Girl! Thanks so much for being part of Mommy Monday! Let's start by talking a little bit about your childhood and more specifically, your Mom and her accident.

The summer right before my 6^th grade year my mother got in a near fatal car accident. She spent a month in a coma at Harborview in Seattle and the doctors told my father that she had a 3% chance of survival, and if she did, she would be a “vegetable” her entire life. Her progress astounded everyone. She eventually woke up, re-learned how to walk and do every day tasks. However, the accident left her a brain damaged woman with the mental abilities of a 5 year old, reliant on drugs to control her impulses and unable to think logically about the world around her.

I know it's a bit of an obvious question, but tell me how the accident impacted you at such a young age?

My first response when I hear that question makes me remember the moment I started my period at age 11. Mom was still in the hospital which left me crying on the bathroom floor with out a mom to talk to…embarrassed alone and needy.

I hated feeling needy. I was the oldest of four and my most responsible self told my heart to grow up and be the mom that my siblings didn’t have.

In hindsight, I realize that the most damaging lie that I believed throughout this experience was that I had to be strong, and that allowing myself to feel pain and sorrow was weak and counter productive. This certainly is not the gospel, and didn’t serve me as well as one would hope. Another thing that I learned was that a great way to mask sadness is business, and no one was better at being busy in high school than I was. My home environment was such a mess, and mom’s mood was always so unpredictable and hard to deal with, so I basically engrossed myself in every activity I could in order to avoid my family. I still struggle with busyness and accomplishments as validation of my self worth, I see that now.

However the hardest part of all of this, I would say, was mourning the loss of a mother in the presence of a person who was still my mother. This concept at such a young age was impossible for me. Her personality and role as a mom died in that accident, she was a shell of what she once was, leaving her with a body and mind barely capable of caring for herself much less four children…yet she wasn’t dead, and after all, she was still my mother.

If I remember correctly there were times that your Mom lived with you at home and all seemed ok, but I also remember the first time I saw your Mom as a homeless woman.

My parents got a divorce the year I graduated from high school. My mom skipped around various group homes and mental health institutions, and even into different relationships (none of which have been healthy as you can imagine).

After I moved away, I didn’t pay attention to what was going on, nor was I very good at staying in touch. I remember visiting home after a few years from my new home in California. No one had heard from my mom for months or knew where she was living. She had been kicked out of a group home and apparently was staying with a friend (who himself was brain damaged), but mostly on the streets. I remember the tremendous guilt and sadness I felt in my stomach while driving through my old home town, thinking any minute I would see my mom, hunched over at a bus stop staying dry from the rain, hungry and unkept.

Then I saw her. Standing alone on a side walk, in a large messy sweatshirt. I remember getting out of the car and greeting her with a hug. After asking dumb questions like “how are you?” and “what have you been up to?” I stood there feeling utterly helpless. There was nothing I could do for her.

Right before my Mom died I have this memory, she was actually home when I got home from school. The house was clean, dinner was cooking and I was just so happy to have her around. Do you have a favorite memory about your Mom, like a time when the world felt right?

I love this question. Before the accident my mom ran a day care. A bunch of us kids were doing crafts at the kitchen table and my mom came around the corner with a laundry basket and was singing. She looked directly at me and smiled. I have no idea why this memory stands out, but in it she looks so vibrant and beautiful in my mind. Also the smell of trident gum and corn huskers lotion or aqua net (hey, it was the 80’s!) and fresh baked bread all take me to her face, if I close my eyes I can see her big brown and pure eyes.

Let's fast forward..here is where you and I loose touch, you get out of our small town, head to school, do a little work in showbiz/modeling/trying to become rich and famous..find a hottie hubby, marry and are now attempting to live happily ever after, then comes the wee babe.

What were your feelings when you knew you would be bringing babes into such a world of uncertainty. Did you have a moment of.."Crap, I have a bunch of emotional baggage and fear I'm bringing into this..what am I going to do?

I remember the week Naomi was born, my first child and baby girl. I was sitting in my living room, holding her in my arms, just us two. I remember looking at her little angle face, so peaceful while I was sobbing as waves of inadequacy gripped my heart. Thoughts like “who am I to raise a little girl into a woman when I never had any one show me how?” circled round and round in my mind…and it still does sometimes.

Of course all of us are shaped by our childhoods, and we all parent accordingly, what are you thankful for now as a parent about your childhood?

I always felt safe as a child, in my home, with my friends and in my freedom to make choices for myself. I always knew I was loved by my parents and even with its dysfunction ,I had a place to call home. I was also raised in a Christian family and the knowledge that God was near to the broken hearted always brought me comfort. To this day my mothers verse is “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

I know God is not done with her yet, and I cling to the hope that I will one day be a part of helping my mother get truly healthy and completing her healing journey.

It seems to me that God truly blessed you with an amazing hubby! And that he has a VERY supportive and loving family that came along with (bonus!). Tell me a little bit about that..

It is true, my husbands family is incredible. My husband Christian is the oldest of four children, and my age falls just between his two younger sisters, both of whom I adore. We do holidays and birthdays well, and Christmas is a week long event, but most importantly we are each others support system. Our Wellness business wouldn’t be what it is with out his family’s valuable help (literally, we have a photographer, a web designer, a carpenter, a pilates instructor and a babysitter with in arms reach, all willing for a few home made meals , and hugs!)

Ok fun question time..tell me about your perfect day.

In leu of the season I am in right now (a bit unbalanced in terms of the work/rest ratio) My perfect day is one that involves being truly present in every interaction with my children and my amazing husband… there is not a to-do list running through the back of our minds, or a messy house for that matter!…that perfect day involves a trip to Starbucks, flip flops and finger paints, Whole Foods Salad bar, sunshine, white sand and blue water, a good book…and a great-work out to earn all the relaxing...

And perhaps receiving a card or note from my mom in the mail. She likes to draw, and this particular card would have clouds and mountains on it, things she always draws when she is in a happy state of mind, and I would be reminded that if His eyes are on the sparrow, certainly His eyes are on His child, my mama.

Nice Matters

2011-04-29T08:55:00.002-07:00

Last Saturday I went to the grocery, it was the day before Easter and the store was super busy. I did good and was in and out pretty dang quick. As I was loading my groceries in the back of my smoking hot mini-van, the lady who was parked next to me pulled out and stopped behind my car, rolled down her window and proceeded to say...

"Thanks a @#$@! (word that rhymes with chuckin) lot for parking so close to my &&*@&% (there is that word again) car!! I could not get my door open!!."

Me..VERY stunned. Turns and looks at my car..because let me tell you reader I have been known to commit MANY a parking transgression so I checked..this is what I saw.

I was parked perfectly fine.

****You know those scenes in the movies when something rushes through a persons head and it seems like it takes a long time but really its only taking a split second?? Thats what happens next****

What rushes through my head at the moment I realize that no indeed it was not me who had made the parking error???

I see myself in my Nacho Libre mask and a folding chair raised above my head charging towards her car, a little like this.

(the boys have been playing a lot of WWF on the Xbox)

Or maybe pulling open the car door and asking her who taught her to say such mean things to strangers..or maybe even responding back with a equally tart response..because you KNOW I have it in me.

I had a split second to make the decision..I turned back around...

"I'm sorry." comes tumbling out of my mouth. (I was just as surprised as you)

She pauses..looks confused..yells at me again.

"I'm sorry." This time I say it with a bit more authority and shrug a little.

She guns the car and drives off. I turn to the guy who is loading groceries next to me, we both shrug our shoulders and continue on..

At some point in our culture, nice has stopped mattering. Being nice and respecting others has taken a back seat to making sure our feelings are known...but at the cost of what?

The big question is how do we be nice to the people we DONT want to be nice to?? We all have those peeps in our lives..you know the ones..the bur under the saddle? The lady from the _________, the fellow Mom from school, your child's little league umpire or worse yet the fellow (not nice) photographer that is either one step behind or one even step ahead (gasp!) of you all the time.

Those are the ones you have to dig down really deep to find the nice. It's hard, the whole folding chair over my head move would feel soooo much better..well for a second anyways.

When I break it down, I mean, where the rubber meets the road is in my decision..my response..I can't control angry lady, I only can control myself..gosh thats a lot of pressure and freedom all wrapped up into the bigger issue of personal responsiblity. (deep stuff)

Mostly I need to ask myself.. How do I want to be treated?? This idea comes in many different forms, but still carries the same meaning..

Do unto others..
Karma..
Treat others as you wish to be treated...

I know it's naive of me to think it, but I would like to think that us all being just a little bit nicer sure would make the world a better place.

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.
~Author Unknown

The List...

2011-04-25T20:23:00.002-07:00

We had a little fun here at Roosevelt House..every once in a while, I'm known to be cool..

Even Mona got into the action..crazy girl.

10. Spring is such a time of renewal and reflection for me. It's almost like I'm seeing my real self for the first time in months. Some years I like what I see, some I don't. This year the jury is still out..but I gotta tell ya, I'm anxious and excited for the next season in my life..It's pretty amazing how much perspective and growth just 365 days can give you.

9. When I first came home from Kenya, I told Zach that I did not think I would be able to take a trip like that again, the reality of it was maybe just a little bit too..well...real. Then I watched this video and I forgot about the hard parts and remembered the good. It made me happy that this video made my pulse race, I thought maybe that part of me had died, I'm happy to say that its still alive, kicking and looking for a sponsor:)

Help-Portrait. End of the Earth from Sasha Leahovcenco on Vimeo.

8. MOMMY MONDAYS!! Next Monday!! They are starting! It will be my third year of posting mothers stories and I'm soooo super excited about the interviews I'm working on this year. Yay!

7. My sister got 55 bottles of FREE shampoo with her whole extreme coupon gig..she is going to have really clean hair for a really long time.

6. Last week I had a quiet week. It was good for me. I needed to shut everything out for a bit.

5. I had this conversation a few nights ago about being the bigger person..somedays it's really hard to do. Have you ever had those moments when you just want to go all flipping POSTAL on someone..like just say ENOUGH with the being nice, walking away, rising above..blah, blah, blah..

4. One spring trend that I'm super bummed about?? Wedges..I can't wear them, like EVER. All the cool kids have em this year..does that mean I'm not going to be cool??

3. Besides yard work, what about other spring projects?? I'm hoping to get my bedroom and bathroom painted really soon. Yay for spring cleaning and spring projects!! It's time to PURGE!!

2. When I'm in the garden, I just can't help but think of all the correlation's to real life that are held in that soil, it's no wonder Jesus used plants and gardening to tell so many stories in the New Testament.

1. Umm if the sun does not come out for good really soon, I'm loading up the suitcase with nonsense paper backs and a swim suit and heading off to a tropical location..you think I jest people..oh I'm seriously..so serious.

Rafiki

2011-04-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it, but it has been a month since I left for Kenya. Sadly memories are already fading, the sting of was I experienced is starting to heal and I've already talked about the trip enough for it to sound redundant to me, did I make it all up?

Crazy how life keeps moving on.

The tears come less frequently now, but a bit more surprisingly. I was in the car driving to the kids school thinking about an email I had received from a very special guy in Kenya and I sobbed. I sobbed so much I felt stupid.

I'm thinking that my time telling stories is not done yet. I'm fearful of leaving something important out, maybe never to remember it again.

Plus you have not met my peeps yet..you know, my Kenyan peeps.

Let me tell you about Beatrice...

I'm not sure what drew me to her or why we started chatting, but we liked each other very quickly. In the first few minutes I learned that she was the newest teacher at the Mulundi Primary school and she had just moved from the beautiful coastal town of Mombasa to the village with her new husband.

It's funny to say this, but it was like she just kinda walked over and opened her heart up to me right away.

It was a little bit of amazing, beautiful and scary all wrapped up into one smiling Kenyan woman.

On our last full day in the village, I was at the school to shoot some more pictures, we were waiting (always with the waiting!) for a few children, I turned to her..

"Beatrice, what is the word in Swahilli for friend?" Only she did not understand..so I looked to the others around me and asked them..

"What is the word in Swahilli for friend??" Everyone is looking back at me..blank stares, lots of mumbling (as was the norm for me) finally someone says..

"RAFIKI!!"

"Yes, Rafiki!" I say.

Literally applause breaks out.

I look to Beatrice, she is just beaming, moved.

"You are my rafiki." I say as I take her hand.

A moment passed between us, and as I cheesy as it might sound (and I know it does) it was like we had known each other for decades, like she had always been apart of my life.

She said, "I have always wanted a friend from far away and now I have one."

Someone snapped a photo...

I love this photo (ok with the exception of my face) (and let's talk about how much of my PRIDE I had to put aside to post this picture here)(really peeps you should be proud of me). When I first saw the photo I was surprised how relaxed I looked, everything about my body language shows that I'm happy. My feet loose, hips cocked to the side, my arm casually swung around a lady I had known for maybe 2 days. In Kenya people don't touch much, there is very little public affection, my favorite part of the picture is how she is holding my hand. We wanted to be close to each other, and you can see it. Amazing.

Today if I could, I would tell Beatrice that in her simple act of such open love and trust, she taught me more than I have learned in a very long time.

That even though she thought herself the lucky one, I'm pretty sure the luck ultimately landed with me.

The List..Kenyan style.

2011-04-12T21:02:00.005-07:00

Every night in Kenya I pulled out my journal and started making lists, it obviously is the way I communicate:)
I thought I would share my top ten BEST things I listed out while I was on my trip.

Oh and I have to include a few pictures as well (of course!).

Sorting the peas for dinner.

10. On the 4th day I was awaken around 4 am to the sound of President Obama on the TV..it totally threw me for a loop! I did not know where I was! Was I home?? It was this massive surreal moment, here I am in Kenya but listening to my president.

9. Kenyan's LOVE Obama! Many times over the course of our visit after people found out I was from the US, they would say..
"Obama!" One guy asked to come back with me to meet him..hmmm. Our driver on my last day in Niarobi told me him and Barry were from the same tribe.

8. They threw us a little welcoming ceremony when we first arrived in town..it totally overwhelmed me. First time I cried.

7. On Tuesday we saw a woman carrying her dying child to the clinic. It has been about 3 weeks since I have been home and I seriously have not gone one day without thinking about that woman. That must have been the longest walk ever.

6. The tea they served was really more like warm milk and sugar with a little tea thrown in. I wonder how they all have such nice teeth.

5. The children all know how to sing 3 part harmony..like from birth. It's amazing and absolutely beautiful.

4. There was one day when everyone we met give us a LIVE chicken..that was a pretty funny day.

3. There was only one time I thought I was going to vomit from the food (mostly the food was good!). It was the night I was served the spine of the goat. Just a little too much for me to take.

2. I wrote this.."I've never been so dirty in my entire life".

1. And the thing I wrote over and over and over again??

"I don't like being looked at." "I don't like being stared at." " Everything I do everyone, is watching me."

Over and over again..I totally did not realize that I wrote it that much, but obviously it made me pretty uncomfortable.

P.S. Last tear jerking Kenyan post to come this week.

P.P.S I sure used a lot of exclamation points in this post (!!!)

P.P.P.S Did you know that Tres Birds photography is hosting like the most KILLER AWESOME contest EVER?? Check it out here!!

Story # 2 - The water ladies.

2011-04-08T06:00:00.001-07:00

Our first day at the job site was exciting. Janet told me..

"We NEED pictures of EVERYTHING!! Go!!"

So I go.. the white (mzungu) lady tripping and observing my way around the school site.

Right away I knew I wanted to photograph the women who were fetching water..you can't even for one minute imagine the amount of work this is..like you soo can't imagine.

The heat is awful, the school sits on a VERY steep hill the water is at the TOP of that hill..they carry the jerry cans full like this..

Not to mention this is one of the lowest paid/lowest ranking jobs..most peeps don't think too much of the ladies at the well.

I could not help but think about the story in the bible where Jesus talks to the lady at the well, I kinda felt like a real bible story being played out right in front of me.

At first they were totally apprehensive..why would I want to take pictures of them??

(ha!! LOVE the look on her face..apprehensive??)

These women were beautiful, and after a while you could see the change in their entire demenor..like WOW she wants to take a picture of me..soon they were all posing and smiling for me..of course when I asked them to smile there were fits of laughter all around...

It was pretty dang amazing. I'm constantly reminded how much power a camera wields in a persons self perception..powerful I tell ya.

Beautiful!!

Later that evening we were sitting and chatting after dinner. Janet and her Mom were in a very heated conversation in Swahili, me of course could not understand one word..but I noticed a distinct change in Janet's body language after the conversation was done..

"You are sad now." I said to Janet.

"Yes."

"What did your Mom say to you?"

"Oh I don't want to bother you with it.." she replied.

"Janet, your sad, it's not a bother. What is wrong?"

"You know the ladies you photographed at the well today? My Mom just told me that a majority of them are very sick, Amber I went to school with those girls..at one point in life we were all friends. The only difference between their lives and mine is I was able to continue my education..." She trailed off there.

Once again I was silent. Unable to put words to the emotions I was feeling, I said nothing, because at those times you just end up saying something stupid anyways.

In fact as I sit here writing this post and look at the pictures I am weeping. Really deep down I just want to make sense of it all..just want to fix Kenya as a whole..help every single wee babe, growing child and helpless mother.
My parents always told me growing up.."Life isn't fair Amber." and after 36 years I get that..but this is life not being fair on a whole OTHER level..this is so far beyond "fair".

I asked God lots of questions that night in bed. I know He is up for the challenge, I guess the real question is.. am I?

Laughter (it's good medicine)

2011-04-06T06:00:00.002-07:00

My last few posts have been HEAVY..seriously!! I woke up this morning feeling a little light hearted so my post needs to reflect that.

Not all of my time in Kenya was so serious and thought provoking, no in true Amber form we had lots of laughs..

Like for instance...

Yes peeps this is a pic of the indoor potty. It took a few days for me to get a system down, there were a few near death experiences..but by the end of the week I was squatting like a champ thankyouverymuch.

My shower. You know, us humans are pretty dang good at adapting to our surroundings. The first few days there might have been a few tears shed while I was doing my bathing..but by Friday night I was a CHAMP at the sponge bath..a CHAMP I tell you!!

Ahh Nina got MANY marriage proposals after they saw how hard of a worker she was..good girl!! I'm pretty surprised she did not come home with a husband..or two:)

Me getting this close to a monkey for a photo..I HATE monkeys!! My camera was my shield, oh I hate em!

Lastly (hardly least!) me gasping/closing my eyes/grabbing the dash board/reciting the 23rd Psalm (though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death) as I rode in the front seat of a Matatu..a Kenyan bus.

This is the way most Kenyan's get around..um SCARY. At times we were easily going over 100 mph on hair pin turns..The driver (and his buddy) thought I was OH SO funny with my mini freak out session in the front seat..and when I asked to go and sit in the back again..would they stop and let me?? OH NOOOOO they thought I was too amusing to let go.

Can only use the shoulder to pass?? No problem!! (um notice we are THREE abreast here??!!)

Hope they get their absentee ballot in on time! (ooh and notice the girl with the camera in the rear view mirror??)

Catching a ride with some scrap metal..why not!

HAHAHAHAHA..yes I almost killed you like 5 times..but hey you were sure SEXY when you shrieked like that..hahahahaha.

But I did snag this beauty of a picture..so I guess that made it all worth the ride..right??

Story #1 - Humble (d)

2011-04-04T06:00:00.001-07:00

A little haunting..no?

!
We kinda caused a ruckus every where we went..

Always with the crowd

The School!! Wet mortar and brick..an AMAZING site!!!
**First..Can I just say how overwhelmed I was by all your comments from my last post? Thank you from the very depths of my heart for your love and wonderful support, you can't possibly know how much it means to me.**

Truth be told, I don't know how to tell you this story, it has so many layers and in lots of ways is pretty dang personal to me, but something inside of me is urging..really compelling me to share. The past few days I keep coming back to one particular story, in a way it sums up how humbled I felt the entire trip.

It was Tuesday, and it was our second day of working at the school, I use the term working loosely..they would not let us do much. So the second day we were all a little bit more resolved to actually work, so we worked. We would work for a while then the boss peeps would want us to rest and take tea, then we would work again. This went on for most of the afternoon. Truthfully I was a frustrated. I had wanted to really work. I was feeling pouty. So I stood by as the days work was being discussed (always with the discussing already!!) My attention was drawn to one of the men who was taking something out of his pocket and moving towards me.
I realized fast what it was..

It was cash.

He was trying to pay me for my "hard" days work.. I kinda freaked out a little.

"No!! No. NO! You are NOT paying me for my (hardly) work!" I protested.
(Insert my horror here..white chubby lady, accepting $$ from skinny Kenyan man...seriously NOT ok in my very small world)

Then I proceeded to make a bit of a scene in front of the crew..my high pitched voice carrying...me backing away from him. Behind him I can see Janet gesturing to me to take the money..I ignore her.

My pride was on the line. I've never been a fan of the handout.

Then Mr. Nice Man levels his gaze at me..

"You DO NOT reject this." He says, very serious and deep voiced like.

Then I saw it..

The fear of rejection was written all over his face, the fear of what he was giving to me was not good enough.

Suddenly I understood.

And I felt bad. Kinda like someone had just dropped a brick on my chest..out went all that wind.

If I was honest with myself at that moment I was more worried about me, how I felt, how I looked. I was telling him that his gesture of thanksgiving was not good enough. I was more worried about my agenda..so worried I almost lost sight of the reason for the trip.

How bloody arrogant.

I changed my body language and accepted the money, my head was bowed and I quietly whispered a very sincere, "Thank-You." I pushed aside tears.

I'm pretty sure I've never accepted a gift like that in my whole life.
A gift I was so so very undeserving of.

I feel a little like my entire trip was a gift I did not deserve.

Now what to do with such a gift?

A nice healthy dose of perspective

2011-03-31T06:00:00.001-07:00

I don't want this post to be the preverbal..

"We are so blessed to live here" lecture. (I hope you know we are)

or even the

"1.4 million children die of water born illnesses a year" post either. (the water looked like chocolate milk)

"all I'm asking is for 1 dollar per brick and we can build a school" (if you do want to help out..let me know)

Really peeps I don't know what to say without it coming off as self-righteous and over played.

I will say this, post Kenya I feel like things {mean people,money, politics, general end of the world feeling, my art} that really seemed to matter when my plane lifted off 17 days ago don't seem to matter as much right now.

I don't know how to process what I'm walking through, I don't know how to feel about what I've seen. I'm not tough, brave or fearless. Today I feel sad, humbled and very quiet..my soul is craving silence.

Silly, silly Amber is what I'm saying to myself as I look in the mirror.

I feel a bit like a fool.

My Creator gave me perspective. Sadly it always has to be earth shaking for me..I guess I don't pick up well on the small cue's (homelessness, joblessness, earthquakes). I have to feel it, it has to be personal. I don't like that about myself..I wish I was the fast learner type.

For my perspective shift today I marveled at my faucet. I turned it on and clean clear water came pouring out.

Really peeps its a little bit of genius.

**I'm working on my Kenya story. I will be posting the stories {and pic's} all next week**

Kenya

2011-03-17T07:04:00.002-07:00

My heart is all a flutter.

One part of me is beyond belief..the other part is scared out of my mind.

To say that I've been neurotic these past few days..umm understatement.

(oh and a quick little thanks to all my besties and family that have been putting up with above mentioned neurotic-ness)

I'm packed, schedules are written, kiddos are set, house is clean, family and friends are waiting on speed dial for Zach's call. After months of prep, it's go time.

For the next 12 days I will not have access to running water, power, an actual flushing toilet, my iphone or mac. I will experience life how most of the world experiences life..very raw.

I. So. Can't. Wait.

I fully expect to come back changed.

Zach thinks I'm going to stop shaving my legs and picket the opera.

I covet your thoughts and prayers for myself and mi familia as well.

Frankly, I think I'm going to need all the help I can get:)

Amber

The List...and happy soggy Sunday to you all!

2011-03-13T09:12:00.001-07:00

If I close my eyes and click my heals 3 times can this be home?? Seriously..after a LONG weekend full of rain..I'm so, so, sooooo ready for some outdoor entertaining and warm breezes. Summer, please hurry. (via)

10. Why is it that 7-8-9 year old boys ALWAYS tear holes in the knees of their jeans?? Remember Tough Skin jeans by Sears?? That was a little bit of a "jeanius" idea. (hahaha I crack myself UP!)

9. Last night I heard the frogs...that means spring is coming!

8. Food prices..SHEEESH. Killing me. Two words.. MEAL PLAN.

7. Interesting article from the NYT talking about the days of blogging being on the decline. I totally agree. 4 Amberisms on the subject.

-TMI No I'm not talking about the blog that is abundant in personal info, but rather there are now so many blogs, with so many different subjects that it all gets a little overwhelming.

-Why sit and read a 10 minute post when you can be a friend on facebook and find everything out in one status update.

-Twitter (like facebook) is like an ongoing blog.. Heck, you can track peoples bathroom habits via twitter.

-Time..we are so busy staying connected via social sites we don't have time to read about why Amber loves Justin Beiber now. (umm soo your loss)(I jest..I jest)(ok only a little)(narcissism)

(Bonus Amberism--this is one of the reasons that it is more important than ever to be authentic in your blog)

6. MUST SEE THIS MOVIE!!! Can. Not. Wait.

5. I have not slept in days, I'm pretty sure this is going to be a running pattern until I leave.

4. Freshman orientation with Twins A & B... Too much to handle. Stop growing NOW.

3. Is it not so weird to watch a natural disaster live on TV?.

2. My entire being is unsettled.

1. 5 Days...OMGOSH.

And I'm going to leave you with a little bonus this week..don't say I never do anything for you:)

Just because..

2011-03-10T16:51:00.000-07:00

we could all use a little bit more of this...

Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable.
George Bernard Shaw

Coming soon to a theater near you.

2011-03-07T04:00:00.003-07:00

My car was broken into on Saturday afternoon..sigh.

I would be totally lying to you if I said I did not wake up in a bad mood on Sunday. Really I should not say bad mood, more like feeling a little down, maybe just a touch overwhelmed.

I made the mistake of looking over our insurance stuff and (i think) realizing that none of the my equipment that was stolen is going to be covered. Along with a pretty high deductible for the window, hours spent vacuuming safety glass out of my van and waking up with about a gazillion little superficial cuts all over my hands from trying to get the above mentioned safety glass out of the van.

So I started to clean..Zach and I were both anxious, he said he felt like "Everything is unraveling, fast." Me too. Being two people of the mind-set..always stay calm..ALWAYS, its a little surprising for us to both be rattled.

I clean when feel out of control, really it does not put anything back into control it just makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING..especially when what I'm really anxious about is totally one hundred percent out of my hands.

I was in my office..STACKS of papers everywhere..just a mess. I came across this picture.

This is my daughters class at school (only my daughter is showing..I did not have permission to post all the other kiddos).

Her class raised almost 7 THOUSAND Kenyan shillings for the school in Kitui. They are so excited. So proud of themselves..and they should be.

In fact, all that money (in American) was sitting on the floor of my car, in a CLEAR plastic Ziploc bag (super safe..right??).

The thief missed it. It was still there..under all that safety glass.

Suddenly things did not seem so out of control. No, in fact it seemed like everything was going to be just fine. If God has taken care of me up to this point, why would he stop now?

Some days my life feels like a movie.. (with Angelina Jolie playing Amber, the super sexy Mom of twins)

The best part about my movie is that it's not even over yet.

No, it's just getting started.

I'm hoping this is the low point (you know when all seems a loss)

(ok..that might sound a wee bit over dramatic..it's late..I'm tired)

The best part about the Amber movie??

My happy ending is going to be EPIC.

The List.

2011-02-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

**Image by Dylan**
POTW- I'm going to starting posting a picture each week that one of the Strehle kiddos takes. I want to start letting them explore the camera and what interests them. I love watching them stretch themselves artistically already..oh if only I could have figured that out at 14 instead of 34!

10. I've been searching high and low for the perfect camera bag. While I love the cute, snazzy bags that are oh so popular right now, I need FUNCTION. So I came across a photographer from none other than National Geographic that gave a nice little review for the Crumpler Bag.

It's not exactly like this one, but pretty close. I needed something for Kenya that does not look like a camera bag, is compact and will stay close to my body. So far I've rocked it at a pretty big function and two different shoots. Works like a dream, and holds all my most important stuff. The final test will be Kenya:)

9. K..I'm soo loving this image from my BFF Scott..seriously. (k..I know he is not my real BFF)

Let's talk about it..

The color! Everything pops..perfect background, pale skin, dark color dress. Light, just right. perfection.

Sexy, yet subtle. No cleavage, but a little nip, shear but not in a trashy sort of way. Beautiful undergarment! So so important peeps!!

Detail..Hair bows match her jacket..not the dress. Little bow on the vintage suitcase {insert wistful sigh here}.

I'm not sure if this is a designer dress or not, or if she is some fashion mogul that I do not know about, but it is a picture of how just a few details can change a whole outfit. It does not take labels to make someone look beautiful.

8. Speaking of T he Sartorialist, Glee just upped its Amber Cool Points by mentioning The Sartorialist on the show a few weeks ago..two of my favorite things all wrapped up in one.

I have been wearing leg warmers on my arms ever since.

7. A little something to chew on.

I finally watched The Social Network this week. Good movie.

The World Is Obsessed With Facebook from Alex Trimpe on Vimeo.

6. And a little something to inspire..like really inspire.

Artists Wanted In Focus : Pete Eckert from Artists Wanted on Vimeo.

5. And a little something to make you laugh..

This is a spam comment I got on my blog this week. Hmmm.

"BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN Why American men should boycott American women / I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women? American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least. This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women. BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!"

4. SNOW IN FEBRUARY?!?!?!!?! UGH!

3. Miss Elaine is gearing up for BOHO! Are you going? Should you?? YES!!!!

2. I HATE folding and putting away laundry. There I said it. I feel so much better now. Not too long ago I looked at Zach and told him.

"I will never be good at this part of my life, in fact I'm going to stop fighting it, its time for me (and mostly you) to accept this part of me. There will always be clean laundry lying about in our room..ALWAYS."

Yeah that went over well.

1. I'm so in love with my new gold nail polish.

So. In. Love.

Who knew you could draw this much happiness out of one bottle of nail polish?

Dreams, circus elephants and Justin Beiber. (stay with me)

2011-02-22T09:09:00.001-07:00

I was having breakfast with Zach last Monday, a few days before I had hatched a little idea in my noggin. It was kind of more than just a little idea, more like a big idea.

Zach is my very best sounding board. So I said my idea out loud, acted like it was no big deal and waited for his response.

"Oh hon, thats a great idea."

Have you ever noticed that circus elephants are kept confined by just a metal cuff, chain and a wooden stake driven into the ground? Don't you think if the elephant really wanted to get away it could just pull that flimsy wooden stake out of the ground?
When a circus elephant is born in captivity they put a metal cuff around its foot and drive a heavy stake into the ground that it can't pull away from. It trys and trys and eventually gives up, believing that no matter what he does, he will not be free. So that is what the elephant believes for the rest of his life, he can't break free. He stays hostage to something that he could easily master with just a little pull.

Yesterday I went and saw the Justin Beiber movie with Sis.. (there are soo many blog posts wrapped up in just that statement)

Before the movie I was not a fan, after the movie I feel a pretty big change of heart about the Beibster. Really I found some respect for the young man in that movie.

Justin (and his family) could have chosen to give up and stop pulling against that chain.

He had God given talent (yes he really does, yes it almost pains me to say that!) as we ALL do!

The Beibster pulled against that chain. I'm sure some days he was weary, but he knew deep down that there was more for him, it was not pride it was just a simple easy confidence in the talents he has been gifted with.

Then the chain broke..we all know the rest of the story.

So when Zach said..

"Oh Hon, thats a great idea."

I was a little shocked. (cue elephant tethered by only that chain)

So I told another person, then another.

I realized I just had to tug a little bit on the chain.

So I made the final call..

A simple idea of photographing 48 school kids and maybe their families in Kenya (kind of a Help-Portrait event), turned into a day of me photographing right around 600 school kiddos in Kenya.

Kids that have never seen their own reflection, these kids could not identify themselves in a group photo..crazy thought.

What is more crazy? The logistics of photographing 600 kiddos, getting photos processed and returning them to Kenya for less than 5 billion dollars and before I'm 100 years old.

Surprisingly I'm not stressed. It's like everything was laid out so perfectly that I just know its all going to work out fine.

God wants my dreams to come true.

I'm a done with the chain, I'm in love with Justin Beiber and I will never again be afraid to dream big.

post script- I stole the elephant story from my Pastor.

post. post. script-Justin Beiber is TOO a real artist.

post. post. post. script -I leave in 23 days..GASP!

List coming soon..promise:)

Ruffles & Rust

2011-02-18T10:15:00.003-07:00

Here is where I will be spending the next 48 hours.

Join me!!

Paris on my mind

2011-02-07T20:50:00.004-07:00

My boss lady called me the other day and asked if I had any images that I took while I was in Paris that she could use for an upcoming project. This gave me the excuse of wasting an hour or so scrolling through my Paris pic's.

***sigh***

Will Amber get up in the priests business at Notre Dame to get the shot?? Why yes apparently she will.

On our very first day in Paris, my VERY gracious Aunt arranged for us to take an AMAZING 3 hour long tour of the entire city in with this little guy in this very little {topless} car..I learned more in those 3 hours about the history of Paris than I had ever known before. It was such a great introduction to such and AMAZINGLY endless city..he famously said the quote (I quickly penned it as to not EVER forget it)
"You can live in this city a lifetime and still never see it all."

My view in the car from the back seat.
First sight of the Arc de Triomphe..and the back of Val's head:)

I even love Starbucks in Paris..and for the record I did not EVER go inside..I mean seriously who drinks Starbucks in Paris??:)
Really this picture was my act of celebration..I gave up Starbucks for almost an entire year to save for my trip..well except for that one time I was having a bad day (better than going to the bar..right?) then it turned into a REALLY bad day because I ran the car into a curb on my way into the drive-thru..split the tire open and had to call triple A. Husband was SUPER happy with me that day.
Story. Of. My. Life.

Another tour (we took 3) it was the "Paris at night" tour, I also LOVED this one. The guides were all so knowledgeable, it was kinda like walking through a history book.

I took this one purely for scale..I had no idea that so many of the paintings in the Louvre were so HUGE..I mean look at the size of that thing!! Even though I got my wallet stolen in the Louvre (RUDE!!) visiting was still one of the highlights of my trip..yes it's touristy but oooooooh the history!!

More Notre Dame..I visited multiple times..went to latin mass on Sunday morning, am I catholic? No..was it simply one of the beautiful things I have ever witnessed? Um yes.

Hope you are enjoying your week dear sweet readers..stay dry!

Don't go it alone.

2011-02-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

{My afternoon cuppa in Paris..ahh le sigh..}

My was it ever beautiful out this morning!!

Over my steaming hot cuppa this morning I was reading some words from Ecclesiastics..let me share.

It's better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there's no one to help, tough!

Two in a bed warm each other.
Alone, you shiver all night.

By yourself you're unprotected
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three stranded rope isn't easily snapped.

(The Message)

Beautifully flawed, honest relationships are few and far between.
They are precious, hold them close.

The past few weeks I've had the immense blessing of noticing some of mine. By "noticing" I mean appreciating. Appreciating tears, long conversation, words of encouragement.

Our lives are rarely uneventful..life comes at us as an unrelenting force.

Having a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on during those forces makes the burden lighter.

I'm pretty sure it was meant to be that way.

The List

2011-01-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

10. Do you want to see some pictures of the school we are going to be working on?? We will also be starting another one from the ground up..

9. Sick, sick, sick. I tell ya. Since January 4th we have had at least one sickie here in at Roosevelt House. Oh how I'm over sick spoiled children and sick very UNspoiled Mom..seriously...who takes care of Mom when she is sick..NO ONE!! Thats who..am I bitter..ahh HECK YES!!! It's soooo unfair!! I think I need to start a cause..maybe print up a colored ribbon or something..

"oooh what does that green ribbon on your lapel stand for?"

"I'm starting a foundation for all the Moms of the world who get the flu and suddenly her entire family vanishes..too busy to care for her."

It would be soooo big.

8. Starting a book club with a few gals..pretty excited. I've always wanted to be apart of some uber cool book club, with uber cool ladies..talking about uber smart stuff. It will pretty much rock.

7. First year of doing business taxes with the husband..I'm pretty proud to say we actually fought very little, I'm just as surprised by this as you are.

6. Double dream hands!!

5. If you go to google images and type in Kitui, Kenya you can see pictures of the village I'm going to. It's pretty cool.

4. UMMMM...I CRAVE this video..MUST have summer road trip NOW..must have hauntingly beautiful music playing NOW, must have 80's inspired floral patterns NOW. Tres Birds is gonna make a movie like this one day.. I promise.

Anthropologie: Let's Get Lost from Anthropologie on Vimeo.

3. So what did you think about the two sides of congress mixing it up and sitting together at the state of the union address??

**excuse me while I puke in my mouth a bit**

2. The more I see the less I know. (yes I stole that) (yes its so true) (at times I think about my younger self and I'm embarrassed for her, she thought she knew so much, she thought she had all the answers..boy was she wrong.)

1. I guess I only had 9 things to talk about this week.. :)

Dreams of my fever

2011-01-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

This week I got sick.

I only get sick everyonceinawhile. Hardly ever really, but when it happens it happens bad.

So I dreamt lots of feverish dreams this week.

My fever dreams are these extreme, colorful, graphic, intense short movies that are on a constant loop in my noggin. Of course this means I get no real rest while dreaming..but oh what a trip.

So one night I woke up and wrote a bunch of stuff down, because I knew I would NEVER remember all of my brilliant ideas and dreams.

I'm sure Zach must have thought me crazy...sitting in front of the blazing fire, shivering, dripping sweat, mumbling, wild hair, scribbling madly in my notebook..you know... totally normal stuff.

Here is one dream..

I'm standing out on my front porch, looking much like I looked when I was scribbling by the fire and talking to my dear friend Miss Elaine. She is saying to me..

"Amber you are sick, go back to bed, yes I know you have a lot to do, but I will take care of you."

Me..lifting my weak hand in protest and stating.."No! I can't let you! You have tons going on as well! I won't let you!"

Elaine in her most stern and commanding way.. "Yes..go to bed, rest, everything will get done."

I relented, too sick and weak and FREEZING (remember I was outside) to continue my protest. The best part of the dream was that when I was walking back to house, Miss Elaine..

STARTED TO WASH MY CAR..yup because everyone knows how much I do love me a clean car. (and everyone knows how my car is NEVER clean..which leads me to be stressed..but not stressed enough to keep it clean..I'm SICK!).

I look at this dream in lots of different ways..here are just a few.

-When wives/mothers are sick we really just want someone to take care of us.
-But its SUPER hard to let others take care of us. (oh the HUMANITY of this cycle!!!)
-Even though I like to think I have control over my life..I don't.
-I'm so glad I have someone like Miss Elaine in my life..her and many more:)
-Its ok to rest. Its ok to NOT be busy.
-I really really like it when people wash my car.

I have lots more dreams where this one came from..don't worry I won't write about anymore, because we all don't want to know what happens when Matthew Morrison shows up at your house in his undies singing Don't Stop Believing.

The List (oh yes..it's back)

2011-01-13T18:30:00.003-07:00

10. I have decided that I really love the a new year. I think its the first time ever that I've realized how important it is to stop, make goals and evaluate life. Maybe I've always been afraid of doing this..because if you evaluate your life then you have to take a look at yourself..but I say bring on the evaluation, yes it's kind of nasty at times..but I need all the refinement I can get.

9. It's been a little hard adjusting to the new "Amber actually cries" phase that I'm in right now. I'm just not used to it, tears come at the most random times.. How do you people live like this??

8. Thanks for all of your kind words about my Africa post:)

7. So this weekend I made a whole bunch of Martha Stewart tissue paper balls for my house..for no reason at all other than I felt like we need a little bit more whimsy around here. Winter can be so grey..dull..we needed some SPICE at Roosevelt House.

6. Ahh Scott Schumann has done it again, love this man. Now I love him even more..so much. It was cool to see the release of this video and then watch the ripple effects throughout the creative world. One day I hope to be able to accurately articulate my passion as he does..one day:) Oh and I'm just loving the new trend of projecting pictures onto buildings..so cool, I can already see some of my pic's projected onto my barn..how stinking cool would THAT be??

5. Some of the trees around Roosevelt House are already starting to bud. It makes me think about how even though things might seem dead and lost, there is often a great work going on under the surface. I think that January is Amber's dormant time. Time to rest, maybe look a little dormant..but really there is a great work going on, just waiting for the sun to bring it forth.
(oh that was good!)

4. A few REALLY awesome events are coming up...

Ruffles and Rust
Boho Art Retreat #3

3. I'm anxious to start planning the garden. I'm ready to feel warm earth under my fingernails..so ready.

2. Twin A's voice is changing. I'm sure he would NOT appreciate knowing that I'm sending this fact out into the blogoshpere..but seriously the voice change has added HOURS of fun to Strehle life. That squeek comes out of NO WHERE!! The other day we had a solicitor call and they thought he was a girl..ahh good times..good times.

1. Here is my eclectic Africa group.
(no I'm not the pregnant lady, I just play one in pictures)

We are a funny little bunch of adventurers. I love how life shakes things up a bit when you actually allow it.

Pinch me.

Quote time

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once.

Lillian Dickson

Africa (heart in hand)

2011-01-07T20:11:00.004-07:00

I have labored for weeks trying to write this post..seriously weeks. For some strange reason the words are not coming, it's a little weird. I mean here is a life long dream coming true, months in the planning, amazing stories, amazing people and I can't write it. So today as I was talking to my much wiser friend, explaining to her my frustration about my lack of words, she gave me some wisdom...

(Amber paraphrased)

"Maybe this trip is just for you, maybe blogging is not the place for it, don't stress and enjoy the moment for what it is..don't force it. "

I think the part that has stuck with me most about our conversation was the "don't force it". Because that is what I feel like I'm doing when I try and write about it. It's frustrating..like a lot.

So let me give you the basics.. There are six of us, we are building a school, I will have to pee in a hole and not shower for many many days, I will be staying in a small remote village outside of Nairobi, there is no electricity, this is not a safari trip but rather a trip to actually physically help..not leisure..life changing.
I'm going to start journaling, that is what I would have done before blogging, I will put pen to paper and write out my thoughts. It will be good.

I think maybe this trip is just too personal to me. It's too much apart of my heart, too sacred. I feel all naked and bare when I sit down to write it out.

So for now I will stay clothed and we will talk about the weather.

Aaaand, I just wrote a post about not being able to write a post.

Funny me.

(feel sorry for my therapist right now)

Farewell 2010, you were good to me.

2011-01-02T18:53:00.008-07:00

I think that if I had one word to sum up 2010 it would be declare.

de·clare (d-klâr)
v. de·clared, de·clar·ing, de·clares
v.tr.
1. To make known formally or officially. See Synonyms at announce.
2. To state emphatically or authoritatively; affirm.
3. To reveal or make manifest; show.
4. To make a full statement of (dutiable goods, for example).

I feel like 2010 was the year of Amber declaration. Shout it from the mountain tops, this is who I am, what I believe and where I want to go.

Speaking your dreams into action is a powerful experience.

Like sooo intense.

Then letting yourself believe that the life you are working so hard toward is really happening, is a whole OTHER level of intensity. I've never been very good at that part.. at all.

I'd like to think that because I declared myself I had it all figured out..exactly (like I meant to do it and all)..um no. Or I would like to think that meant I had all the self confidence in the world..me in my power suit kicking arse and taking names..um big big no.

I learned to trust my gut a little bit more this year. I'm amazed to say that about 9 out of 10 times it's right. I have to thank my Creator for wisdom, most days it evades me, but just when I need it most (and am BEGGING for it) I get it.

Although...

I made a few COLOSSAL mistakes this year. Me walking away from a SERIOUSLY sweet gig..for no other reason than fear. Yes I did that...oh yes I did, and after WEEKS of personal turmoil and self loathing I had to make a choice. I learned there is beauty in failure. It's not your average beauty like Jennifer Anniston, but rather an unusual beauty like Christina Ricci in Penelope.

To my peeps in 2010.

You complete me.

Yes that may sound a wee bit overly dramatic, but I'm not lying and I don't say it enough to you.

Everysingleoneofyou. You have offered so much support, encouragement and love this past year. I really would have a big fat hole in my heart if it not for you. Thank You.

To mi familia in 2010.

Zach-Your constant support and even strong pushes (ok shoves) this past year have been life sustaining. I just might be still treading water if it not for you. You only tell me the truth..which at times is not what I want to hear..but when you say "nice work" I know its my best. I just have to remember NOT to ask you if "my butt looks big in these jeans". I love you deeply and think no one on earth will ever be as sexy as you are when you jog..ever.

Kiddos-

My numero uno job on this earth will always be being your mommy. You four truly are my number one fans. You four also keep me clear headed and grounded..your my built in reality check, because I'm pretty sure if it not for the four of you..I just might be "finding myself" in Istanbul. While I do love being Amber, I love being your mother even more. Thank you Strehle kiddos for your unwavering support and constant comments about how the Starbucks baristas know my name..my life would be very dull without you indeed:)

2011?

I declared it last year, this year I will put it into motion. Enough talk. Action!

Oh..and more love. I need to love more in 2011. Like a child love, recklessly, blamelessly and without much thought of return, ok more like the dog kind of love. I fear that kind of love, but where I am weak He is strong.

2011, I welcome you with arms wide.

What I was doing while not blogging.

2010-12-27T22:47:00.000-07:00

I did not mean to take that whole month off from blogging, but I guess I did.

OOOPS.

It just sort of happened, it's been a few years since I have gone this long without blogging, is anyone left??

If not, thats cool, I'm not offended really. I think I needed the break more than I realized, it was good.

Let me tell you all about my month off from blogging. Some pictures included. Some not. I have been a little bit bad about bringing my camera to important things lately..yes I know I'm a photographer and all..shhh.

December 4th
Help-Portrait. The event rocked my world. For some reason this year I felt very strong about it not being about me..like at all. So I kept the camera in the bag. My heart broke a few times that day. Watching a few of the clients get in front of the camera..you could see the fear, insecurity in their eyes, written all over their faces..it burdened me deeply to see someone so uncomfortable in their own skin. The beautiful part? Watching them finding self worth through a photo. Amazing.

December 6th
Bust out the decorations, sing and apply Christmas merriment to Roosevelt House. Kitch NEVER goes out of style (some might say it was never IN style, but I just dare you not to enter my house during December and not smile..lots!)

December 8th
Booked a round trip ticket to Nairobi Africa..12 days. I just received an email that said.."Start building up your thigh muscles for squatting now." Yes that would be squatting over the hole in the ground used for the toilet. I have so so soooo much to tell you about this trip..more coming soon.

December 6-12th
THREE different Christmas programs for the Strehle children.
The grand finale??
#4 PUKING all over the stage during Joy to the World.
Yup that happened. Yup that stuff only happens to us.
Just another confirmation that God put me on the earth for comic relief. Your welcome.

December 13-18
Make Christmas ornaments with 21 5th graders, get Hep A and Tetanus shots (ouch!) lots and lots of parties, eating and spend a small fortune on Christmas presents for teachers. (the last part is ok, because I LOVE my kiddos teachers!) (I should have thought about a few of these things before I pushed out four Strehle's)

December 20
Spent our annual Strehle day in the city. Did all things touristy like watched them throw fish at the market, ate clam chowder, rode the carousal and monorail and of course drank Starbucks. It was a good day.

December 21
My aunt came and made the most CRAZY AWESOME AMAZING gingerbread houses!! We invited The Dish and her kiddos over and a good time was had by all..Seriously I felt like we were living in a Charlie and the Chocolate factory dream..sooo much sugar!

December 24
Parents arrived, went to church. I cried most of the service, I love me some Christmas carols on Christmas Eve in church. It just brings it all home for me. There really is a reason behind all the insanity of the holidays, I just need to be reminded of it every so often.

December 25
Happy Birthday Jesus!
Happy family:)
Made the most AHmazing prime rib..here is the recipe..your welcome.

December 26
Went back to church, then spent the ENTIRE rest of the day reading an ENTIRE book. Oh my. Glorious. My kiddos kept coming in and asking if I was sick. Yes I was sick..sick of standing up.

Today, feeling slightly restless, writing goals for 2011. I'm ready to write again and I'm sooo ready for 2011, bring it.

The List (Thankful Style)

2010-11-27T17:51:00.008-07:00

There is something so dang sexy about a man after he has finished washing dishes..

Good day. This pictures makes my heart happy.

10. So did you stuff yourself silly?? I sure did! Umm a diet is on the horizon for Amber..bummer.

9. LOVE this song..and I'm pretty sure I love the video even MORE..love me some retro shaky camera work. Oh and I'm officially putting out the search for (bearded,hipster) friends (preferably NOT stoned out of your mind) that will travel around with me in large groups making cool videos..wanna join me?

8. Help-Portrait next Saturday! Pretty stoked to be apart such a great day once again.

7. I decided this year that I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas. There is not one expectation for Thanksgiving other than eating turkey and hanging with peeps you love. Sadly this is NOT the case when it comes to Christmas, when did we mess it up so much?

6. I CAN'T believe we had snow on Thanksgiving!! FUN!!
(fun yes, am I ready to lock the kiddos out the house after being home unexpectedly for a week? Big yes.)

5. I'm kinda in love with this easy tutorial from the fabulous peeps over at Design Sponge...Even good for us non-sewers.Great Christmas present idea!!

4. I'm super impressed with myself. I scored the PERFECT Strehle Christmas card shot during our snow storm..many of you will remember the fiasco that accompanied our attempt at a Christmas card shot LAST year. This year not only did I trick the kiddos into posing I shot it BEFORE Thanksgiving..wow like I said IMPRESSIVE.

3. Yes I shafted you on the Thanksgiving photo essay. Yes I pretty much am in the business of letting my dear blog reader down. I'm sorry. That turkey totally distracted me.

2. Christmas marketing that I'm digging so far this year??
Starbucks, LOVE their cups. Also the crazy Target shopper lady..genius, yet at the same time..creepy:)

1. "Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts."
Henri Frederic Amiel

Thankful (a photo essay)

2010-11-24T13:04:00.000-07:00

A little early Christmas kitch..gosh I love me some Santa mugs!
Busy hands are happy hands

Even the nipple lady gets dressed up for the holidays!

Scored this beauty my first year at Farm Chicks..It says Happy Thanksgiving in all of it's 50's kitch glory..it's my favorite part of Thanksgiving..well other than the stuffing:)

Day 3!

I'm thankful for

My Creative home.

Reason #1 - Nothing matches. I showcase what I love, not what is in style.

Reason #2 - My artistic tendencies flow into every single aspect of the house. Our table is a constant modge podge of paper scraps, colored pencils and various half painted projects.. I love it. I would not trade it for the world. (My OCD hubby would very much disagree with that last statement!)

Reason #3 - Other people come over and think its a little weird that I have a 3 foot tall picture of the Mona Lisa..my family does not even blink an eye.

You're jealous..just admit it:)

Thankful (a photo essay)

2010-11-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

SNOW DAYS!!

I had another post already written for today, but come ON!! We have snow here in Western WA!!

Today I'm thankful that we get a snow day.

Reason #1 - I didn't have to make lunches this morning!!

Reason #2 - I slept in..glorious!!!

Reason #3 - My kiddos are FINALLY grown up enough to put on their snow clothes all by themselves..wow. I've waiting like 13 years for this day.

It's the little things peeps..it's the little things.

How do you feel about snow days???

Thankful (a photo essay)

2010-11-22T10:06:00.004-07:00

Life has been crazy.

My mind has been sucked dry of any inspiration.

"Just get through this." Has been my mantra.

So this week I'm going to be a little selfish and do a few things just for myself. Who would have thought that blogging on this here blog was one of my luxuries??

One post per day this week..one thing to be thankful for. Today??

My Rooster.

I know it sounds a little crazy to be thankful for a rooster, but I kinda think he is a little special.

Reason #1 - He is HUGE. He is taller than my knees.. HUGE. It makes him oh so handsome. ( I mean for a rooster and all)

Reason #2 - He is really nice. My dad had a rooster that every time he went into the coop he had to take a big stick and beat the rooster away from him... um scary. My guy lets me pet him and on occasion when he is least expecting it I pick him.

Reason #3 - In the morning I get up, make coffee and feed the cat outside. When I open that door (which is a LONG way from my coop) my rooster sees me and gives me a nice morning "cockle doodle doo". Me in my morning sing song voice replies..

"Good Morning!"

It really is cute.

And totally normal.

I have soo much to be thankful for..you??

The List (because it's been a while)

2010-11-11T20:16:00.000-07:00

10. Does everyone get as introspective and I do around a birthday? It seems like the perfect time to get all deep on myself.

9. If you have a few minutes (like 15) watch this.

INFLUENCERS FULL VERSION from R+I creative on Vimeo.

8. If you don't have 15 minutes then watch this..

Umm MAD skills here.

7. This fall in the NW has been sooo PRETTY..somedays I have to pinch myself!

6. Kiddos growing up..hard. Daughter growing up..close to unbearable.

5. Thanksgiving...makes my mouth water just thinking about stuffing.. can't wait.

4. A LOT of peeps are closing down their blogs..do you think blogging is fading?? What would take it's place? Are you over it?? Even though I've been very lax lately on blogging I don't feel like I need to be done yet..hmm..see I'm all introspective..told ya.

3. So this week I tweeted thinking I was texting Zach..once again it's a good reminder to check and REcheck my text/tweets.. That could have gone WAAAAY worse....

2. Starting a Volleyball league back up again this week..LOVE hanging out with this group, these are my peeps and it makes me very happy to be with em:)

1. Current favorite quote..

"Joy is the best makeup."

Anne Lamott

Embracing 36

2010-11-07T17:44:00.007-07:00

I'm all over you. I can't wait to meet you.

I have this feeling that you're going to be pretty amazing.

Your friend 35 was life changing, no pressure or anything.

36 feels right.

Like my spongebob pajama pants.

36 we are going to be bff's , I just know it.

I heart voting.

2010-11-02T13:26:00.004-07:00

Why?

It is one of the many reasons our country is what it is.

Our country was founded on the peoples voice.

I do love me some independence.

Regardless of party, opinion, race, creed, religion, class, sex..ANYTHING, today we are all equal and have a voice.

Amazing.

Something else that is amazing?? This family...

A few weeks ago, Josh (along with many others) came home from his second tour in Iraq.

Yet ANOTHER reason why we should vote..

Gosh I do love this country.

AHHmazing!

2010-10-29T07:53:00.001-07:00

Ruffles and Rust was amazing, really it was. One of the highlights of my year..and I've had a GREAT year so thats saying something!

The night before the show I was laying in bed and I said to Zach,

"I have not been this excited about a show in a long long time."

I've sure missed that feeling.

I just gotta tell ya what made it so wonderful for me, it's the peeps:) I love having all my favorites, plus being able to meet and make new favorites under one roof. It's a big love fest! All the ladies seemed like they truly had SOO much fun. Love that.

Of course, I took some pictures too. That always rocks. Love this life, love these peeps, love me some junk.

Do you want to see more pictures? Become a follower of Come Junk with Us OR Tres Birds Photography on Facebook, there are hundreds of pictures to scroll through:)
These are just a few of my favorites..really most of them are my favorites..I LOVED being able to shoot this..like so much.

Thanks again ladies for such a special weekend. It really was great.

**yes I've been an absent blogger, sorry!**

Sweet Bee (no blog link!)
This was one of my favorite booths..I think they are new to doing shows, but gosh they display like seasoned pros. Stuff was FLYING out of this booth!

Ahh Trendi Wendi goodness, yes Amber dropped a little coin at this booth. (not very much..her prices were VERY reasonable!) Yet another favorite that does NOT have a blog..boohoo!

How cute of an idea is this?? Carly Tee Photography has some GREAT ideas for displaying pic's in a fun, funky and vintage way!

Cute stuff from Joyworks!

Junebug goodness..sweet girls!

LOVE...Todays Country Store

I was lucky enough to meet these two sweet gals from Poppyseeds up in Stanwood. Look at that dress! Coat! Boots! Soo much eye candy. Sweet ladies, I wish I lived a bit closer (although we are NOT that far apart) because I could totally see myself having coffee and shopping with this group:)

Cuties!

Rusty goodness..so good..LOVE this booth (Fun Junk), she is at every show..and it's always sooo stinking clever.

Ruffles and Rust

2010-10-19T14:49:00.003-07:00

Great article today in the Everett Herald about Timi and the upcoming Ruffles and Rust show.

Can't wait!

The List...

2010-10-15T13:49:00.002-07:00

10. It's soo this time of year again, it's a tad crazy around these parts.

9. Its fall and pumpkin is the theme around Roosevelt House..My kiddos BEG for this recipe all year around..

Pumpkin Pasta..simply amazing!

With the leftover pumpkin puree I always manage to whip of a batch of these to go with morning coffee..yum.

8. I'm going to repeat a message that was left on my cell phone this week. I'm keeping the caller anon.

"As you know my neighbor is really sick, so today I was over cleaning up around her house for her. There was some left over dinner in the sink and she told me to just put the dish out for the dogs to clean up. When I brought the dish back in the house, she told me.."Oh you don't need to wash that now, the dogs do a good enough job." The worst part? We eat over at their house all the time."

7. The Chilean mine rescue story is really pretty dang amazing.

6. I cried during the Cheesus episode on Glee. Like big alligator tears. When the lady took Kirk's hand during church..killed me.

5. Um..this is flipping funny...truth can either hurt or make you laugh really hard.
.

4. Something else that is funny? The term..

Vaguebooking.

This week The Sister vaguebooked, her status update was..

really?

I'm pretty sure that is vaguebooking at it's finest:)

3. Nothing revs the creative engine quite like sitting in the library. I soo heart the library..like a lot. When I walk in everyone is like.."Amber!" kinda like "Norm!" in Cheers..ok but they whisper..cuz it's the library and all..duh.

2. No I don't have an outfit yet for the Ruffles and Rust ball. **sigh**

My fairy flipping g-ma better get her hiney in gear! I need some mice to whip me out a dress ASAP!

1. I'm taking the entire month of December OFF..like not answering my phone.

I. Can't. Wait.

And the winner is...

2010-10-11T14:41:00.002-07:00

Deb!! from Garden Party!!

Yay for you! You won two fabulous tickets to the Ruffles and Rust bloggers ball!!

Thanks to you all for entering:)

Deb email me @ tresbirdsphotog@hotmail.com so we can discuss the tickets:)

Enough to go around

2010-10-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

There are some things in life that we might be afraid we are going to run out of. I'm always nervous about..

My french perfume.
Milk.
Hard drive space.
Gas.
Fashion sense.
Magazines.
Hot glue.
Hair dye.
Coffee (the HORROR!)

Then there are the things in life we should NEVER be afraid to run out of..in fact there should be so much in our lives that where ever we go it kinda sloughs off.

Love.
Grace.
Hope.
Love.
Peacemaking.
Joy.
Forgiveness.
Patience.
Kindness.
Love some more.

I'm gonna work on sharing, there is more than enough to go around.

Oh did you know I'm hosting a give-away?? Go ENTER!

A honest post..(because we all think it & I'm going to say it)

2010-10-06T05:00:00.000-07:00

I have a hate/love/insecure/accept it/ relationship with you...

Last spring I was at a funeral. It was in the small town that I grew up in, therefore there were a whole lot of peeps that I know.

Before facebook I would have never known what most of these people had been up to for the past few years. For instance I would not have known...

"Took Abby to the Dr. today..good news..she can poop now!" or

"Wishes that SOMONE would be more considerate of others!" or

"Callie's relationship status has changed to.. In a relationship with Harry Potter".

Soo here I was at a funeral and a few rows ahead of me sat a man whom I had received a friend request from a few years earlier.. the funny part is..

I had denied it.

BUT what makes it even funnier is on either side of me sat my husband and one of my BFF's, both of them had accepted the friend request. I leaned over..

"Are you going to talk to _______?" (name has been withheld to protect his pride)

"No." They both responded.

"Then why are you his friend on Facebook?!?!" I almost yelled. (a respectable yell, I mean it was a funeral after all)

"Because it's rude not accept a friend request." They replied.

"But he was NEVER my friend before!." I protested!

"It's just rude Amber." said Zach as he peered down his nose at me. (story of my LIFE!)

So here is just the first of many dilemmas I have with facebook.

You see when I first became a member I took the word FRIEND too seriously. Because that is how I roll, I take that word seriously. My pizza guy?? NOT my friend!!! So instead of friend requests we should get...

Acquaintance requests.

I used to know you in High School and either you treated me bad or I treated you bad requests.

Secretly I think your hot requests.

I met you once at a party requests.

We dated and for some sick reason I want to be your friend requests.

And lastly my personal favorite.

Frenemy requests.

(excuse the scantily clad women..its a funny video)

You know who I'm talking about right? I'm sure you must have at least one person that pops right into your mind? Why am I so scared to delete her? She hates me, says bad things behind my back, is only out to destroy me and yet she is on my friends list..see what I mean?? It goes against the laws of nature to have her on a "friends list"!!!!

And please don't even get me started on the passive aggressive facebooker... **sigh**

BUT there is the love side.

There are actually quite a few peeps that I have soo enjoyed reconnecting with, I mean that..really. Then there are those of you who I happily call my clients AND my friends, you also mean so so much to me. There are also some of my acquaintances that have turned into friends via deeper conversations that have started on facebook. My core group. I love logging in and seeing new pic's of your kiddos, send over a quick note about coffee..or how much I miss you. It does make being involved in your lives easier and for that I'm super grateful. And soo don't even get me started about the benefits for my business! Facebook is FREE marketing at its best!!

Lets not forget facebook insecurity (root of all evil).

It's kinda like the cover of a Vogue...AFTER airbrushing.

Because I'm not going to post (ok some oversharers are going to post).

"My 13 year old told me he hated me today..I'm going to go drink half a bottle of wine now."

No instead I wait for the good days and post..

"Today my 13 year old raised half a million dollars for AIDS awareness!"

I don't post the down and dirty. Only the unicorns and rainbows.

Remember, a status update is a snapshot..not the entire picture.

My insecure side HARDLY ever sends a friend request to someone. If you are one of the few, count yourself lucky. I have a UBER hard time with rejection. So if I don't ask, I won't be rejected. Problem solved.

Lastly I have come to the point of acceptance.

I'm not going to delete my account and I too have stalked the boy I had a crush on in high school.

Shh.

Facebook this concludes my honest post about you..please don't delete me.

***UMMM DO YOU KNOW I'M HAVING A GIVE-AWAY??? COME ON PEEPS!**